OHHH Life

....is bigger.

Bigger than you

And you are not me.

..But that was just a dream

Try, cry, why try?

That was just a dream

Just a dream, just a dream

Dream

When the day is long,

and the night, the night is yours alone,

When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.

Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, Lord,

Count your blessings.

The papers wouldn't lie!

I sigh, not one more.

It's been a bad day.
Please don't take a picture.
It's been a bad day.
Please.

I've got R.E.M. running through my head this morning for some reason so I looked them up and smashed some songs together. I never really realized how sad and depressing a lot of their songs are. [Thoughtful pause] Still cool though~very cool indeed. And apparently they knew what was really going on-a bunch of sad stuff you just can't do much about.

Well, it's the end of the world (and R.E.M.) as we know it. But I feel fine. (fine, fine)

Okay, I can't stop. Since my brain IS 80% song lyrics, I guess this is to be expected.

I just can't get out of my head how rough times have gotten for most of my loved ones lately. Where are all the lighthearted sitcom circumstances? All the shiny happy people laughing? It's hard to find it amid the job loss, money lacking, sickness and death we've been seeing around here lately. If there's comedy, it tends to be dark or short lived.

Hold on.

This is not the kind of change we were hoping for! (Oops, that was campaign slogan banter, sorry.)

Back to the jumble in my head. I'm starting to wonder if the Lord is allowing more people to pass away so fewer are here to worry as even harder times come. Or is the crowd only thinning lately from my perspective? My aging self.

This weekend as we watched a dear cousin suffer a fatal heart attack during our yearly Red Rock Canyon reunion, I found myself thinking "And now, of course, THIS is happening." I didn't feel surprise-just more sadness. More grief for those suffering.

Why does praying not seem like quite enough?

If I thought latch hooking a rug would help in these times of grief, by gum I'd be turning out tacky mats by the dozen! I just don't seem to know what to do with myself to aid in this pain. I guess I'll just have to keep praying and work on being a blessing to others rather than a burden(says the dramatic high maintenance diabetic.)

Consider this, consider this:

Everyone around, love them, love them.

Where tomorrow shines, gold and silver shine.

Throw your love around.

Happy, happy.

And on that note:

This one goes out to the one(s) I love.

(My apologies to R.E.M. for what just happened.)

XOXOX

Now I lay me down to sleep....

Finally something happened today that I can't blame on "The Diabetus" as we like to call it.   I have been suffering from an inability to blog this week and it's not really even from being too busy or preoccupied.  I simply haven't been able to form sentences.  I'm still struggling with it as I lumber through this post.  And it's a little startling to see myself attempting to explain something in my usual long winded way, but getting nothing useful and erasing time and time again.  

It seems I've been slowly exfixiated (no not exfoliated, spellcheck but thanks for trying to help) by something toxic underneath this room.  It has gotten so bad that last night when a friend was over, she even said it was giving her a headache.  I must admit my lungs feel like they've been chemically burned and my throat has been getting sore as well.  I hope whatever that was has not actually done permanent damage to my grayer than usual brain.  Some days my bulbs are brighter than others so it's hard to tell-durn diabetus.

I started combing the place today in desperation trying to find the source of this ever increasing smell.  It is so chemical, like a bug bomb or I don't know, Agent Orange or something.  It's not an organic smell like dead possum or a misplaced broccoli crown. (Btw, try to keep track of your broccoli.) 

 No, This is skull and bones toxic!  It burns the insides of my throat and makes my brain pulse.  Did I already mention that?  I'm still suffering fume damage you know.  

Jamey went under the house today because the smell had only intensified and I had checked everything I could think of that could possibly be a source up here.  Well, botta bing!  The toxic odor was even worse under there and he found a rusted can that was leaking and fuming like crazy.  YIKES!  How many brain cells and years have I just lost due to that thing? I DONT KNOW I'VE BEEN CHEMICALLY ALTERED!!! Papa, can you hear me?...... 

If THIS turns out to be the cause of my eventual cancer I will be so annoyed.  I had it all planned that I would strictly blame the deadly aspartame/saccharin  combo I've been using in my coffee for years.  But now I just won't know.   I feel like I've been poisoned and the epidermis of my communication center was the first layer burned off.  

My only hope now is that by breathing this toxin for several days, I have begun to develop some sort of super power.  I realize I didn't actually fall into a vat of chemicals but I wouldn't want THAT much of an altering anyway.  Perhaps something more discreet and less angry than green skin or a joker's grin would be nice.  Maybe I'll notice I'm a little more stretchy than usual.  That could help with housework and such. Or, if I'm lucky, I'll  suddenly be able to cook food with my pointed finger.  That might be marketable.  I could be called KeBabs!, or The Human Skewer. This could  surely excite people who watch  the Food network channel.  

More likely I'll suffer lung rot and my power will just be spitting green wads of acid at weeds in my yard or something equally non-heroic.  I'll try to note any new developments and keep you informed of physical alterings.  I did take a pretty long nap today but now that I think about it that's not really newsworthy at all.  

We've got the doors open and other than the throat burning, I think my head is beginning to clear up a little so only time will tell.  This could be the end to my career as a wedding singer. But then again Janis Joplin got a lot of gigs with her rasp so maybe I'll just have to limit myself to Rod Stewart songs and  keep scratchin' it out until all of my friends are happily married.  "Faw  ha hawa eva Young".  

And now all I can do (other than spike and bleach my hair of course) is pray the Lord my soul and lungs to keep another day.  Have a fresh Monday my friends!  XOXO