THE WINNER TAKES ALL...of my cash (Walk off results)

Well sports fans (read: Nutrition Nerds), I know you've been on pins and needles waiting the for the official data of my vitamin battle to emerge. Sadly, it didn't take a month to see a clear winner between what appeared to be fairly well matched competitors. They each had their own strengths. Both came in eye enticing bottles promising health, wealth and prosperity with every serving. And, though the Natures Plus-Ultra Source of Life Liquid seemed to have much higher quantities of each vitamin, mineral, and boasted of whole foods and herbs and such, Vibe claims to have a revolutionary way of delivering its nutrients by changing the molecule size for total absorption of the supplement. And it has some impressive antioxidant rating that is talked way up in the brochure about the product.

At this bit of analysis they both came out on the cat walk looking pretty fine in their stats. They made it down the runway and gave their first poses. "OK! looks like we've got REAL talent here people!" Then I got a good look at each of them outside of their tidy containers. Whoa! It was suddenly like looking at Glenda the good witch standing next to Elphaba the wicked witch of the West! The reigning champ sat looking like the condensed form of a huge bowl of delicious fruits, benignly amber in color and pleasant in aroma. While the challenger sat green and mucousy, trying to pull the medicine cup around itself to shield it from the light. It was like a bubbling swamp of raw elements and smelled like mashed up minerals and pennies. BA-LECK!

Then came time for the tasting. Yes, healthy things are green and yes, even unpleasant at times, so this was no time to be prejudice. I clothed the green witch with a swatch of orange mango juice and down the hatch she went. "Eew." I said and went on with my day. This continued for about 2-3 days if memory serves (which it clearly doesn't let's face it) and I DID have a noticeable amount of energy those days and felt simply charmed by the green goddess and her sludgy sauciness.

This charm however was exactly that. And charms are the devils work. On the fourth day(or third, I can't remember) suddenly my green vitamin drink rose up in the glass and gave me her most vicious of poses just as I was tipping her back and I nearly spat her right out on the floor with an "EEWWWW!!" It was getting grosser and more abhorrent with every sip like a changeling who could no longer hold her shape!

The next day I simply couldn't face her. And how I longed for my $60.00 beauty of months past. Yes, I couldn't help but reminisce those fond but expensive days in Munchkinland where I'd pour myself some delicious Vibe making it "tall" by adding a full glass of water to dilute and enjoy a healthy leggy beverage of nutritives. A true winner holding her title by a tastebud.

And the moral of this shallow tale...

If one cannot pay the price of vanity, but cannot in turn bear the shame of liquid ugliness, Then one must taketh thy health by fork and pill.   

 - The Shan

IT'S A WALKOFF!!!!

Since the ladies on American idol aren't holding my captive interest tonight I thought I'd let my vitamins scrap it out a little bit and have their own  Nutritional supplement competition.  

I've always been interested in holistic nutrition and try to keep up with the latest recommendations in preventative nutrients to keep this rapidly aging bod of mine afloat as long as possible. It also comes in handy when I start throwing around advice to my friends and fam like I'm a pimp for the corner health food store.  "You know what you need to do is go down to the such and so and get yourself some probiotics for that bowel shufflin' thing you've got going on."  Or, "Maybe it's the mycotoxins in all that corn your eating. What you need to do is hit up the corner such and so for some anti-fungals"... and so on.  Wow, I'm a little obnoxious when I condense all my bossiness down together like this.  Ha HO! I just keep learning.

In the actual food department I'm not as good with the follow through, but I'll admit it confuses me (and I'm also a little lazy in the kitcharama).  I do believe our produce is not quite the power source of nutrition it once was, considering our soil is depleted of its original veggie making goodness.  And then there's all the tampering with the meat, eggs and milk that makes you grow a beard and big boobs simultaneously if you consume all three in the same meal.  I HAVE ENOUGH HORMONE TROUBLE PEOPLE!  Whoops, sorry that may have been instigated  by the estrogen in the chicken and dumplings I had for dinner.

This is the part where I hear you say "I know.  Right?"  if you've taken to that type of talk.  I'm much less valley than that. I'm holding firm in my response of "Yepper pepper pie!" when I want to say "Yes, you are correct!" I think it's more street personally.

Back to the business at hand-comparing vitamins.  The first and reigning champion I had been running my mouth off about for the better part of last year is this dear little liquid supplement called Vibe.  

Vibe and I first met at the corner such and so and let me tell you it had me at the poster in the window!  I had to try this drink that was so chock full of antioxidants and promises.  I must admit I was taken aback by its price ($60.00 per monthly supply) but I decided to give it a go and I was AMAZED at the new energy and benefits I was receiving from this.  Of course after so many months of this wonderful thing with a not so wonderful price, I started taking it for granted and more and more sparingly to save a buck here and there.  Well, that led to a month on, a month off just to see what differences I'd notice in myself.  After this last month off, I really started noticing I'm reverting back to my old ways of crippling around, nap taking, fuzzy brain, numb limbs, depression, headaches that type of deal.  "Did she say she was 38 or 88?" 

Surrendering, yesterday I hobbled troll-like into the such and so to get some "happy juice" but they didn't have it.  Said it was getting too expensive.  This is where I gave a half hearty "Yepper pepper pie!" in agreement and the kind sir pointed me to a Natures Plus liquid product saying it was their version of Vibe.  And, even though it lacks the catchy name, it had me at $35.60. 

 

So IT'S ON!!  They've both come out on the catwalk with their fiercest poses ready to take wellness on!  We shall see who becomes  The Shans Next Top Supplement!