Well, I guess it was time. Time to get my Eyeore on and whip out some summer time malaise. Hey, if that opening line doesn't leave you begging for more then, I don't know HOW to please you.
You know, I made it through non-camping like the hotel staying champ I am and didn't feel the least bit stressed all week. The persnickety little D checked his troubles at the fish farm door and had the happiest week he's had in a long time. We were thrilled at the way that boy entertained himself in a 4x6 baby pool hour after hour! Water truly has a way of soothing a child with sensory issues. And, as I have been reading in my book about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome characteristics, MANY of these kids are attracted to it in the same way our boy is. Fascinating.
Happy Camper
I didn't manage to blog while on the trip because, well, I was watching cable, doing laundry, and eating cheese in my room most nights. That was enough multi-tasking for one gal. And trust me, you would have thought I was in a five star facility the way I enjoyed my ME time each eve. I'm ridiculously simple dahlings.
Until it came to the drive home.
Then, my nerves collectively started acting as if someone had taken a potato peeler to them slowly skim skim skimming away until I just started feeling like someone was repeatedly scaring me. That's not fun, but the part that most bothers me about depression/anxiety is the lack of interest in ANYTHING. I mean pahleese, I struggle with that when I'm perfectly happy! Take the psyche down a couple notches and the mayday alerts start sounding.
But, alas and alak, I talked it out with Jamey and that really did help! He noted that I often don't seem to realize that being a parent to a special need's kid can really wear on a person without her necessarily noticing. Then one day, someone gives you an odd look in the grocery store and you leave with a sackful of paranoid depression you never even put in the cart!
I have been struggling with whether to keep Dev home another year for school when none of the choices we have for him seem perfect. I like that he can concentrate at home better but he has become even less tolerant of groups and noise when we are around them on small occasions. I guess we'll know more about the new small school in town after our meeting at the first of the month.
Now I am relieved to be mentally perkier- putting things in perspective, remembering that it's my favorite season of the year, that I love my family madly and they love me too, and that God has a purpose for me (yes, even on loser days). I am not alone here and even though I sometimes feel freaky, the reality is life IS occasionally more comparable to a confusing Japanese game show than the board version by Milton Bradley.
Though we might spin the wheel and collect from our chosen career on payday, we can also expect to sometimes feel like we're being repeatedly pelted by giant wet sponges while maneuvering across a slippery punching conveyor belt. "Heey, I think I'm gonna..wait, what's this?!"
It really just depends on the day now doesn't it. And speaking of days, tomorrow is MY special day. So I think I'll hit the sack so I can wake up and enjoy my facebook wishes properly rested. :D
Happy Birthday to Donetta and Dawnetta my b-day buddies!
XO Shan
8 comments:
I'm always amazed when someone can be this honest about their inside person. It's easier for me to hide that under the stories. Thanks for being a good example! I'm not sure you can take Eeyore as your persona either, since I'm not done with him yet. It IS nice to be noticed, once in awhile. Happy Your Day!
Oh, shoot. I guess you already know what I'm getting you for your birthday.
Shan, I watch writers like you to learn to let my tongue loose (via my fingers). You've got a way of expressing yourself that's not just honest, it's individual.
I didn't realize you and Paul were using Eeyore, and I've been letting my dog use it. Sorry.
Happy birthday.
You're a grand gal (said in a 30's era gangster voice) and I love you lots. It's weird isn't it how we get used to that fairly thick baseline of stress and start to think it's normal, then when regular life gets challenging you realize you have almost no ceiling left to move into.
Well, you know I love you and I think you are a fantastic mom and you inspire me. Well, maybe you didn't know those things, but you know them now.
I like vanilla.
Glad you started blogging again. It's been 10 months since my last blog so I'm thinking it might be time.
Thanks for dropping by my place!
I always enjoy other's prospective on my crazy :) NO really I do.
and I always love a good new blog to read, it adds to it that you understand my insane life.
I love how you put "Then, my nerves collectively started acting as if someone had taken a potato peeler to them slowly skim skim skimming away until I just started feeling like someone was repeatedly scaring me. That's not fun, but the part that most bothers me about depression/anxiety is the lack of interest in ANYTHING. I mean pahleese, I struggle with that when I'm perfectly happy! Take the psyche down a couple notches and the mayday alerts start sounding."
You just put into words what I could not for the last 6 yrs. YOU get it and can verbalize it. I think I might love you
Jamey that was well said and so true about the thick baseline of stress. I have never thought of it that way before but wow you hit it straight on. I so know that no ceiling left feeling. Here is to raising your roof Shan!!
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