Tardy school thoughts: My yearly battle

It's time.  It's time for Wall Walker and Orange Fang to file into school whether I like it or not.  Why do I send them when it clearly causes me such pain?  I can't seem to accept that life must go on and it is normal for children to go to school and leave their mother for seven hours every day.  I am such a homeschooler at heart, yet I can't get my brain to board the same line of thinking that my heart is on.

  

My mind tells me our school system is fine, safe, and plugs away day after day giving our kids the information that they'll need to keep up with their peers.  It also tells me that I COULD teach them myself, but I would probably end up boring them to tears and cause them to resent me for wanting to be a larger part of their daily lives than their friends.  Also I suspect I might not be as patient as I would like to be.  Sometimes I can't handle more than one chirpy noise in my ears at a time. I know I shouldn't even admit that.  But on those days I wonder if I could act like chirpy noises are just that, and not tiny woodpeckers rhythmically  jabbing new contours into the sides of my head, so that I could patiently go on with our lessons.

  

I also think that I suffer from A.D.D. and couldn't possibly focus long enough to see anything through to its finality.  That is not an option in home schooling because teaching children is not a hobby that I could walk away from in search of a new shiny object to catch my fickle eyes.  It's a way of life.  I would need to take to it with steady diligence and know when to allow myself  a break and when to knuckle down and kick in the afterburners to follow through on a challenging task. 

 

But my heart.  Oh, my heart!  I have grandiose plans in my head of thrilling the freckles right off my boys faces with exploratory trips to museums and historical sites after having thoroughly studied a subject and  noted their favorite parts.  I can see my blissful self sitting in a field on a blanket, book in hand, while my equally delighted offspring run about exploring the ecosystem to their hearts content.  "MA!" They would exclaim, because suddenly we're living an episode of  'Little House on the Prairie',  "We found a horney toad!"  Then of course I wouldn't run away screaming and flapping my arms, because it's my special vision of the kind of natural learning that I am all about.  Shhhhh...Let me have my moment naysayers!

But that is my problem.  I'm a little all or nothing at times.  I'm pure fun and quick thinking somedays , but I'm sludgeheaded, highly distractible and easily frightened on others.  Just now in fact I forgot where I was going with this whole thing because I stopped to eat a few corn chips.  Pitiful Shans, truly pitiful; but tasty, truly tasty.

{Reflective sigh} And so off they go, first thing in the morning, to sit and (try to) listen to some lady who looks nothing like their mother, but who can probably form complete thoughts in a roomful of activity.  I still don't like it.  They are mine, and much too young to be one of 25 tossed into old cramped rooms filled with hand sanitizer and glue sticks.  What will they possibly do with all of those dadblappity glue sticks anyway? I'm sure it would never match the corn husk crafts and prairie visions swirling around in the perfect school in my mind.  Ah well.  I guess it's time to go get myself a job or do one of those 14 other things I've been thinking about. 

Reality really bites you in the haunch sometimes doesn't it?  YOWZA!

  

It's Friday. Wanna watch a video?

A friend of mine sent this Youtube around the other week, and I still scroll down to it and watch occasionally because it made me 

chuckle so heartily the first time. It would be fun to have the skills to add your own 

sillies to old clips, methinks.

I don't necessarily understand this 

performance style because I am 

just a Rod Stewart knock-off 

wedding singer, but people like Joe 

Cocker and Bruce Springsteen seem 

to have done pretty well for themselves 

with their pained faces and flailing sweaty 

limbs. So who am I to critique?  

John Mayer is a devotee of face pulling 

as well and it doesn't stop Jennifer 

Aniston types from going after him.  

Every jar has a lid I s'pose.  

Ah, but once again I seem to be straying off 

into the Neverlands so I shall be off. 

Have a drug-free weekend everyone!! :D

Now I lay me down to sleep....

Finally something happened today that I can't blame on "The Diabetus" as we like to call it.   I have been suffering from an inability to blog this week and it's not really even from being too busy or preoccupied.  I simply haven't been able to form sentences.  I'm still struggling with it as I lumber through this post.  And it's a little startling to see myself attempting to explain something in my usual long winded way, but getting nothing useful and erasing time and time again.  

It seems I've been slowly exfixiated (no not exfoliated, spellcheck but thanks for trying to help) by something toxic underneath this room.  It has gotten so bad that last night when a friend was over, she even said it was giving her a headache.  I must admit my lungs feel like they've been chemically burned and my throat has been getting sore as well.  I hope whatever that was has not actually done permanent damage to my grayer than usual brain.  Some days my bulbs are brighter than others so it's hard to tell-durn diabetus.

I started combing the place today in desperation trying to find the source of this ever increasing smell.  It is so chemical, like a bug bomb or I don't know, Agent Orange or something.  It's not an organic smell like dead possum or a misplaced broccoli crown. (Btw, try to keep track of your broccoli.) 

 No, This is skull and bones toxic!  It burns the insides of my throat and makes my brain pulse.  Did I already mention that?  I'm still suffering fume damage you know.  

Jamey went under the house today because the smell had only intensified and I had checked everything I could think of that could possibly be a source up here.  Well, botta bing!  The toxic odor was even worse under there and he found a rusted can that was leaking and fuming like crazy.  YIKES!  How many brain cells and years have I just lost due to that thing? I DONT KNOW I'VE BEEN CHEMICALLY ALTERED!!! Papa, can you hear me?...... 

If THIS turns out to be the cause of my eventual cancer I will be so annoyed.  I had it all planned that I would strictly blame the deadly aspartame/saccharin  combo I've been using in my coffee for years.  But now I just won't know.   I feel like I've been poisoned and the epidermis of my communication center was the first layer burned off.  

My only hope now is that by breathing this toxin for several days, I have begun to develop some sort of super power.  I realize I didn't actually fall into a vat of chemicals but I wouldn't want THAT much of an altering anyway.  Perhaps something more discreet and less angry than green skin or a joker's grin would be nice.  Maybe I'll notice I'm a little more stretchy than usual.  That could help with housework and such. Or, if I'm lucky, I'll  suddenly be able to cook food with my pointed finger.  That might be marketable.  I could be called KeBabs!, or The Human Skewer. This could  surely excite people who watch  the Food network channel.  

More likely I'll suffer lung rot and my power will just be spitting green wads of acid at weeds in my yard or something equally non-heroic.  I'll try to note any new developments and keep you informed of physical alterings.  I did take a pretty long nap today but now that I think about it that's not really newsworthy at all.  

We've got the doors open and other than the throat burning, I think my head is beginning to clear up a little so only time will tell.  This could be the end to my career as a wedding singer. But then again Janis Joplin got a lot of gigs with her rasp so maybe I'll just have to limit myself to Rod Stewart songs and  keep scratchin' it out until all of my friends are happily married.  "Faw  ha hawa eva Young".  

And now all I can do (other than spike and bleach my hair of course) is pray the Lord my soul and lungs to keep another day.  Have a fresh Monday my friends!  XOXO

OH MY MAMA!!

I've got lots of packing to do today as we are heading out at noon for OKC.  I just wanted to quickly point out my friend Trish's blog so that you could have a little laugh (or sympathetic groan) in Pierce Brosnan's general direction.  She's got a little snippet of him singing with Meryl Streep in Mama Mia that just says it all! 

 This movie was EXTREMELY entertaining but mostly because Meryl and her man crew seemed to be trying way too hard at different points to be "musical".  Meryl sang fine but tended to gesticulate wildly throughout the movie like an overly dramatic teen and it was too much even to be considered "campy".  Oh, she WAS a trooper though.  

I don't even want to get into the others.   You'll see the awkwardness if you want to and hopefully you'll enjoy it to the fullest.  I certainly did!

Speaking of uncomfortable performances, I'm racing out of town to make it to a rehearsal dinner of a friend of mine from the city.  She asked me to SING at her wedding and my heart is beating faster just typing that.  Yikes.  Where did this stage fright come from?  I'm dragging Jamey along to play guitar and sing with me to make it easier, but I'm getting Pierces bulging neck veins already and I haven't even gotten there yet!  It's goint to take some prayer, and then I  need to keep chanting  " It's not about me. It's not about me...." to work out the nerves.  That oughta do 'er!  Now if I can just remember the words....

Ok then, just wanted to check in and say "HI!"  since I haven't been making my rounds very well lately.  Have a great weekend everyone!!  

Sleeping Cuties

I know I shouldn't have stopped mid-transfer to snap a picture of this little boy sleeping on the stairs, but I simply couldn't help myself.  He wanted to stay awake until 'So you think you can dance', dance, dance was over at 9:00 tonight.  Well, short story short, he didn't make it.  And, though I can actually still kind of carry him on flat ground for a few feet, stairs would never happen with a 10 year old thrown over my shoulder.  I just finished walking him around the corner from the living room, torso hunched over, head dangling to the floor when I had to set him down on the steps to reconfigure my grip.  He sat there with his upper half circling in a counterclockwise motion totally unaware he was anywhere but neatly tucked in his bed.  Bah-ha.  
While upstairs, I thought I might as well catch the Dandy in passed out mode as well  and squirt some ointment into his right eye.  He really dislikes this procedure when awake so I figured since I was already a marionette master, why not also become the  "ointment fairy" and leave blurred vision behind as my signature move.  It's not really a fun surprise; but a surprise none-the-less. Even in sleep though this one's tricky-rat durn!  He managed to keep that eye guarded by pillow or blankie with his every move.  I guess I'll have to revert back to screaming headlock style tomorrow night.

Oh the sweetness of my sleeping babes.  I'm just drinking it in.  And now I think I'll sit and listen to the silence for a while.  

What? For ME? (A.K.A. Yet another self centered entry)

HEY EVERYBODY!  IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!  Oops, but if I don't stop yelling about it I may get a citation with a sarcastically placed bow on the corner from my silence loving town.  Sorry guys....I'll put the crock on simmer now.  

Yes, it is my special day. And for some reason this year I'm on a little marathon of celebrating.  It started with a huge batch of this from my Mo and Do, that I actually purchased at the beginning of summer to attempt to undo next years wrinkles (ah, vanity).   Then on Saturday,  all three of our ninety year old Grandmas rang in their warm wishes with cards in the mail.  I was so touched that even Jamey's dear Grandmothers could  manage to think of me so far away and get a card off ahead of time when their lives are still as busy as mine!  What an amazing generation.

Then on Sunday my precious Mother-in-law made about 400(give or take ;) of her famous eggrolls and all the sides for our large Siloam family of 16 to celebrate, you guessed it, ME!  Oh man those things are good!  They have these translucent little noodles inside with sausage...DON'T GET ME STARTED.  I had two, because I'm a lady.  But, when Dandy wasn't managing to eat the eggroll left on his plate, I crammed that sucker in my mouth like a starving stray animal, wildly looking around to see if anyone was encroaching on me from either side.  But, you know, it was MY birthday dinner so BACK OFF PEOPLE!  

Ahem, cough. [composer regained].  Next evening comes, and Jamey and the boys having already presented me with this, also surprised me with this sign outside the dining room.

And then I saw these guys.

That's when I squealed and grabbed the camera and took in the whole scene.

Jamey made a huge dinner of homemade meatballs and spaggetti with all the trimmings.  He and the boys gave me the 5 star treatment, waiting on me from all directions!

I told him if this was thirty-nine, I'd have to really strap my boots on for forty because I can't imagine feeling more special!  Tee hee HEE!  

I'm still giddy because I'm scheduled to go out with some gizzurl friends tonight to see two of my favorite dude actors Pierce Brosnan(forever Remington Steele to me), and Colin Firth (Mr. Darcy, twice over-sigh); not to mention the always fabulous Meryl Streep- all wrapped up together in one of my favorite musicals to date!  MAMA-MIA!  

I grew up listening to ABBA.  On family road trips growing up, my Dad tended to pop a cassette into the player and it would remain there throughout the trip, playing over and over for the entire drive.  Needless to say, some of the most memorable moments in my upbringing have the lyrics of 'Dancing Queen' and 'Super Trooper' scripted secretly inside them much like Gollum's Precious.  

When I saw Mama Mia with my bff Arlynda in a Traveling stage production a few years back, my eyes glowed as they drank in the whole show with thirsty nostalgia rushing back into my mind for neglected sips.  AHHHHH!  (Belch-whoops,where'd the lady go, birthday girl?)  Naturally, it only fits that the movie would come out in perfect time to see it  CELEBRATION STYLE.  Yips!

So, like I said, look out forty, thirty nine's already a giddy mess of "Aw shucks" as it is.  I simply couldn't feel more special or more youthful.....unless, well....there is one thing that would make it puurrrrrfect.  A comment from YOU!  Thanks everyone for such a great birthday! Love and perhaps even hugs, Shans

A Mid-Summer Nights Dream Job

I haven't been bloggercising much this week, I realize.  And, like exercise, when you slack off on your regular activity, you tend to slowly drift away until one day "puff", it floats away from the mother ship entirely adrift in cyberspace.  That's pretty much what has happened to my Myspace page.  Occasionally someone will find me on it and I'll plug in momentarily, but otherwise it is fully adrift. 

 And Facebook?  Faget about it.  I haven't ever connected with my spot in that realm.  It's there, but only gets scraps of attention from me.  I don't think a huge amount of people my age have these types of accounts so maybe that's why I've lost interest.  The Fogunator 2000 (the Aging ray gun of life) must be taking affect on me because I can't keep up with all of these new sources of communication. 

 Right now I enjoy blogging. Quite a lot actually.  I especially enjoy checking in on other people.  I hope to continue fitting it in when I start working or schooling or creek snorkeling my way to fitness, whatever, while the boys are back in school this Fall. I've never really been known for my multi-tasking skills.  So if busy happens...blogging might, in fact,not.  

And that brings me to the yearly question:

  What should I do for the next school year? 

 Let me see what happens if I just brainstorm it right here and now.  

• Try for a part-time job at the University down the street- low pay but might get the "work" gears turning again (and I could still pick the kids up after school).
• Get a job at a dentist office in town- There are no Oral Surgeons here so it would just be regular dental work.  (lower pay-may be boring)
• Drive to one of the bigger cities to work-  Definitely would have to make enough to cover driving and car use.   And of course it's  far from kiddies who need me every day at 3:00.
  
• Nothing- Keep blogging and kickin' around the house.  Not a real plan for the future but veeeeerrry easy.  Availability level to kids-HIGH. Depression also possible here due to aimless "kickin'" guilt.
• Stay home AND WORK on the house- Make a plan and execute it!  I don't do much when I have lots of free time and little spending money. Still quite available, though working on the house IS easier with $$$$. 
• Take a couple of classes at the Community College 40 minutes away- Involves study, spending money AND driving.  Would take prerequisites toward Nursing school.  Would I ever get accepted in with my G.P.A curled up in a ball and rocking in the corner feeling entirely inadequate?  This is unknown.
• Homeschool my kiddos- What?!  I've been pondering it every year for five years.  Why stop now?    
• Get an LPN at a closer tech school- And creep along toward my Bachelors in Nursing goals while working under people I could have given birth to.  This might make getting accepted into nursing school more possible for me, so if I really want it...
• Go straight to the four year school 45 minutes away and just try to finish in whatever I'm closest to (or go for Nursing there)-  This costs more than Community College, but is about the same distance out of town.
• Get a degree online- Do people really do this or are all the ads just trying to convince me?  What I like about this option is I would never have to take 'Public Speaking' because I would never actually be in public.  This type of degree might not hold water with every company I would want to work for AND it's on the pricey side.
• Finish my stupid degree at JBU- I went there 3 years and then went elsewhere for my forth and fifth (I'm still kicking my younger self in the hind).  The price would be the highest yet, and they don't have Nursing.  I'd have to get a degree in Broadcasting or Psychology since I have the most hours racked up in those. And those may not make my money back, ever. Grrr. 
• Have Hubby teach me Graphic Design- I have some design ability inside me somewhere. I just don't know if it wants to come out on a daily basis.  This would be "experimental only" for a while.  My personality is right on the line between artsy and practical.  I put things together in my mind and wish I could execute them so, maybe.  At least there would be no sewing involved.
• Take some computer class to be more hire-able in an office setting- This would be at that Tech school again just outside of town.  A possible yawner.
• Go to school for my original dream:  studying theatre, dance and vocal music- Who am I kidding? I'm too old for two out of three of those and I don't enjoy "drama people" in general.  We are way too much when three or more are gathered together, jazz hands splayed.  
• Take Real Estate Classes and be "Licensed to Sell"- I house hunt all the time but would I suddenly feel annoying if I could turn a profit from finding people houses?  Plus, the market is mush right now so I might only be paying fees to keep my license current.
• Keep plotting some genius business idea to make money in this town-  So far I've got nuttin'.  
• Find jobs in another city- Leave sweet little Siloam, Jamey's whole family and a decent public school system, in the dust. :( Sad, but oddly exciting because I like change.

Well, that's certainly a list.  I wonder if I'll choose any of those things.  I feel no more certain now than I did last year when pondering my future. But, I DO feel a touch more ambition this time around. Or maybe I just want to be able to buy stuff. Can't tell.

 What do you guys see in my future? Maybe one of you will give me an idea. Try not to make me cry with your answers. That irritating voice in my head is already leaving me a rude comment.  I plan on deleting it.