Putting on my game face and my birthday suit

Well, I guess it was time. Time to get my Eyeore on and whip out some summer time malaise. Hey, if that opening line doesn't leave you begging for more then, I don't know HOW to please you.

You know, I made it through non-camping like the hotel staying champ I am and didn't feel the least bit stressed all week. The persnickety little D checked his troubles at the fish farm door and had the happiest week he's had in a long time. We were thrilled at the way that boy entertained himself in a 4x6 baby pool hour after hour! Water truly has a way of soothing a child with sensory issues. And, as I have been reading in my book about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome characteristics, MANY of these kids are attracted to it in the same way our boy is. Fascinating.

Happy Camper

I didn't manage to blog while on the trip because, well, I was watching cable, doing laundry, and eating cheese in my room most nights. That was enough multi-tasking for one gal. And trust me, you would have thought I was in a five star facility the way I enjoyed my ME time each eve. I'm ridiculously simple dahlings.

Until it came to the drive home.

Then, my nerves collectively started acting as if someone had taken a potato peeler to them slowly skim skim skimming away until I just started feeling like someone was repeatedly scaring me. That's not fun, but the part that most bothers me about depression/anxiety is the lack of interest in ANYTHING. I mean pahleese, I struggle with that when I'm perfectly happy! Take the psyche down a couple notches and the mayday alerts start sounding.

But, alas and alak, I talked it out with Jamey and that really did help! He noted that I often don't seem to realize that being a parent to a special need's kid can really wear on a person without her necessarily noticing. Then one day, someone gives you an odd look in the grocery store and you leave with a sackful of paranoid depression you never even put in the cart!

I have been struggling with whether to keep Dev home another year for school when none of the choices we have for him seem perfect. I like that he can concentrate at home better but he has become even less tolerant of groups and noise when we are around them on small occasions. I guess we'll know more about the new small school in town after our meeting at the first of the month.

Now I am relieved to be mentally perkier- putting things in perspective, remembering that it's my favorite season of the year, that I love my family madly and they love me too, and that God has a purpose for me (yes, even on loser days). I am not alone here and even though I sometimes feel freaky, the reality is life IS occasionally more comparable to a confusing Japanese game show than the board version by Milton Bradley.

Though we might spin the wheel and collect from our chosen career on payday, we can also expect to sometimes feel like we're being repeatedly pelted by giant wet sponges while maneuvering across a slippery punching conveyor belt. "Heey, I think I'm gonna..wait, what's this?!"

It really just depends on the day now doesn't it. And speaking of days, tomorrow is MY special day. So I think I'll hit the sack so I can wake up and enjoy my facebook wishes properly rested. :D

Happy Birthday to Donetta and Dawnetta my b-day buddies!

XO Shan

Another birthday already?

Yesterday our Dandy dude turned SEVEN! I can't believe it has been five years since I saw his tiny little sleeping face and immediately went squishy with love. He was our first foster child and a complete answer to prayer as we had been hoping to adopt but felt God was leading us toward fostering through the state.

Shortly after arriving in our care at not quite two, he needed two separate surgical procedures done to correct hearing and vision problems so he was placed on the extreme makeover circuit to get him caught up. It was an all consuming stressful but joyous time for all of us. Getting to know him and seeing him heal physically and mentally, were our main focus that first year before he became ours officially. We tried not to give in to our trepidation about his future as to whether he'd remain with us or go back to his father who gave us little hope of rehabilitation or parental competency. And instead tried to do all we could to further his future either way. Of course once we met him, we could never imagine life without him!

And now we're here. Still discovering, still healing and growing together as a family.

The learning curve continues. One of the things that we now understand more clearly is just how affected the bonding process is when a child has had a rough start in life. The brain actually forms differently in children who aren't cared for properly and they become practically hard wired with defensive mechanisms that keep them going in a state of self preservation, preventing them from feeling too deeply and therefore detaching themselves from true pain. It's an incredibly helpful AND hurtful dose of denial built right into the newly forming brain chemistry.

As an adopted person myself, I've not had any understanding of Attachment Disorder having gone home from the hospital and fully bonded with my "forever" family.

It was not until we planned on adopting a nearly three year old that attachment concerns even came to my attention. Even then to me it seemed pretty black and white. They get to know you and trust you, then you have attached. Check mark on steps 1,2,and 3. Nurture wins every time!

Of course this is not the case. And now I've even come to learn that some kids have it way worse than most people could ever imagine. This is called Reactive Attachment Disorder(RAD). Having a challenging child such as Dandy, I've tried to educate myself on this and many other possibilities that have come to mind when attempting to understand our own little complex guy.

As no two children are the same, we've found that our Dandy especially follows no previous pattern or rule book. He is wonderfully unique in the way that each fine human piece of art created by God is. But, he IS an abstract creation and a head scratcher to be sure.

He is diagnosed with Mixed Developmental Disorder, which we are told is sort of a blanket label to allow him to receive all the services available to him from which he might benefit. If they put him in the spectrum of Autism, then he would receive only specific help in that direction. And he's not entirely Autistic but more a mix of that,Oppositional Defiance, Cerebral Palsy, Microcephaly, Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, developmental delays,Failure to thrive, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Attachment Disorder, all in a colorful candy shell.

Yes, he has some challenges and therefore so do we. I'm of course not saying he's the most difficult child in the world. I've met and read about much more medically and emotionally challenged children. He is just such a mixture of issues, we never quite know what needs to be done to help him deal with things easier.

He hasn't been doing well with the school setting since he began kindergarten and though we even have him in a special school to handle this, he seems to be doing the same or even worse. He never integrates in with the other children and even disrupts the class so much with noise or destructive behavior, he has to be removed several times per day.

About a month ago he decided, by pitching huge fits and unbuckling his seatbelt, not to ride home in the transport vehicle. So I've had to pick him up myself which usually takes more than an hours worth of driving time at the same time Ratchet is getting out of school in our town each afternoon. This just doesn't work for us at all.

Every time something new comes up we can't help but wonder if the experts know what their doing. Is our child in capable hands or are they putty in his? Why does he seem to confuse them on a daily basis? Aren't they trained in every possible situation? Should we let our instincts override the conflicting voices in our ears or trust the people who schooled specifically for these things? I'm not really sure.

I am sure that he is going to keep surprising us in good and bad ways. Just as we expect a certain behavior from him, he totally throws us an opposite. For instance, he potty trained in less than four days. He quit a major six year thumb sucking habit in two. He can't put his own socks on or take his shirt off by himself but can read an entire book to you if he so chooses. He is a wonder not to be underestimated.

What a wily little coyote we have in that kid! He is so adorable, creative, and focused one minute and so donkey stubborn, destructive, repetitive, and manipulative the next. He wants to please, but also has a strong voice inside him working to sabotage any good rapport he's formed with someone.

We have gained so much ground with him over the years though. SO much. (I repeat for myself). We definitely go backwards occasionally too, but are trying to keep the wheels pointed forward and the positives accentuated when he's having them.

I ache to keep him home from school at times when I'm most frustrated with his behavior there. He would never throw a chair or peel up a floor at my house and know he could get away with it. We do let him make his quirky noises more at home because he doesn't have to sit in a classroom without disturbing other children.

But, "they" keep telling me he needs to deal with this now. He needs to be able to be around people and interact with them properly. And he does. But he also needs the physical, speech, occupational therapies and psychiatric care he is receiving at this school. He just wouldn't get those things at home without us breaking the bank entirely.

So we are tightly squeezed between the rock and hard place doing what we are told is best for our child. I am claustrophobic in here, but with the help of medicine for Dandy(and ok, myself too ;), we are learning to deal with the anxiety and sometimes debilitating daily challenges that swoop in and try to steal our confidence and joy. It is an endurance thing not a quick fix.

Still we wonder what next year will bring. And the next. And the next. It is scary raising an oppositional child that doesn't respond much to consequence and has trouble forming bonds with people. I know many parents with kids like this struggle with thoughts of the future when it's hard enough to deal with life's pressures on a child without any challenges.

I pray daily that we will grow stronger as a family in dealing with difficult periods in our Dandy's life. And that God will give him a supernatural wisdom that keeps him safe and able to make good decisions as he grows into adulthood and goes out into a dangerous world on his own.

In the meantime, I must remind myself that though wedged, I'm not completely confined in this hard place. I can still glorify God from this position and that is really all that is required of me. No excuses Shan. Stop that worry and get to the GLORY! God loves these wounded children more than any of us can comprehend.

Thank you for letting me spill. I guess I slipped into essay mode there. :}

I don't mind at all if you skipped to the part where I say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS BOY!!!" We love our gift!

Birthday boy considered "well into thirties" by 40 yr old wife

Today was a special day for a certain young man in our house.

He's finally lost his youthful curls

And now he's all grown up!

And super ninja tough!

But he's also pretty sweet

That's why he's wanted in several counties for just being so dang awesome!

Happy 37 dear husband!!

We love you much!!!

When FORTY sneaks up on you with loud clicky heals

I was born in the sixties. Barely, but I like how that sounds to the ears of the young. Yes, in just one short day I am expected to turn forty. I've been fitted for my new glasses and will no doubt be the envy of all those below me when I strut these babies out amongst the people .

Why not wear it loud and proud all over your face, eh? Word.

When you turn forty, you slow down a hair and sometimes need more than a day or two to celebrate. I've just gone ahead and claimed the whole week for this metamorphosis to fit in all the naps and such that will no doubt be needed as I gain my mid-life zero.

Here's what some special girls and I did Friday to celebrate.

First we stuffed ourselves with Mexican food.

Then went to Jenna's house-o-fun, which was royally decked out for the party! The players left to right: Jenna, Sara, Becky, Trish,Lori, Moi, Arlynda

Then this happened....after the photo, I carefully side stepped off and went in and changed into proper swimwear like the forty year old I have become.

Here's where I was trying to coordinate the girls into a synchronized swimming spectacular. That never really panned out olympic style.

Somewhere in this post I was planning to list all of the wise and observant things I have learned up to this point in my life journey. But, not tending to be a deep or deeply organized person by nature, I haven't really succeeded at jotting down my most poignant (if fleeting) realizations that have hit me thus far.

I did manage to dive through a and wedge myself into a small ring at Jenna's pool. It only took this young and agile thing a few short minutes (and some huge thigh-flops) to wriggle myself free from the floatation device. It occurs to me now though that there could possibly be a metaphor of my life summed up in this very picture.

Don't see it? Let me help you. Though at times I appear to be floating mindlessly around in the carefree security of my youth, there are unseen struggles both in my actual mid-section as well as the mid-section of my days on earth. I push and pull to get loose from the things that bind me, all the while trying to contain my ridiculous juxtaposition between laughter and tears that swell and groan between the deep and shallow. I am wizened- but only halfway. There's a lot left of this vessel yet to navigate.

It's like English lit class all over again. If you can't find the meaning-just make it up! There, now back to the festivities....

Play some 80's friend montage music in your head to look at these next few.

Yes, friends are friends forever, and I got the most thoughtful gifts from these dearies. Here is a picture the talented Trisha painted of me to remember my glamorous side. Can you even believe her? :D

I shall remember this party as long as my memory actually holds out!! Thank you girls I LOVE YOU!!

And now I must move on to phase two of this bang up birthday party. JAMEY'S TAKING ME TO LAS VEGAS TODAY!!! Who knew I was this special?????

Stay tuned as I celebrate my official birthday in the city lights! I could get used to this.

Happy Birthday Arly!!

We have seen some pretty rockin' times together my friend and that was only in the first forty years of life! Thanks for being the Romy to my Michele all these years. We'll keep our heads held high together no matter what (hair or clothing)challenges await us in the future!  Love you much! :D

Everything went OK at the corral...

A Tale of Two Parties

Eeks!  How is it I remember blogging about something that happened BEFORE I ever had a blog!  Are blogs like cell phones and Diet coke now?  We can't seem to remember how we did things before they came along?  I can almost swear I blogged about Dandy's birthday party last year because it was a crazy day where I gave his party and attended two others plus an entire parade!!!  That was a day etched in my mind and my camera!  I must have emailed my tales to people before blogging because I put those events together somewhere.  I just know it.  

Well, anyway, I'm going to try to push past this and do a little compare/contrast with my birthday boy's 5th and 6th  parties now that I'm actually blogging outside my mind.  I am right?

OK!  So.  Dandy, our little party planner extraordinaire, likes to plan his birthday celebrations well in advance.  We've known all year, for instance, that his number six party would be a "blue" party with an underlying "Thomas the Tank Engine" theme.  Easy enough, we made it so.  

Here we have things like: blue rice krispy treats, blue chips, gummy bears and m&m's in blue, blue dip for the non blue veggies, blue chocolate dipped pretzels(not pictured because I forgot to get them out), blue filling in the non blue tortillas, white cheese and white cheese dip ( I just didn't have the heart to soil the cheese dip after everything else was doused in food coloring.) 

And then we had the Thomas cupcakes, stickers and gifts to round out that portion of the theme.

Yes, he was one happy party host, walking around handing out spoons and stickers with a most hospitable air.  There was no room for blue moods by the time this party started.

We had trains coming and going for engineers young and old to busy themselves with.

And my sweet sister-from-another-mister, Arlynda and her family even came up from Tulsa!  :D  (We have always been twin-like in our looks and sillies.  HI ARLY!)

What I have failed to mention or picture in this happy go lucky post is that while everyone was blueing it up heartily, slowly the children were dropping like flies.  Two kids left early with stomach aches (NOT caused by my colored food-I promise!), and then one of my nephews fessed up to his tummy woes but couldn't bring himself to leave while the leaving was good.  About an hour later.....we saw the party again....all..over.. the..floor.  Yep, after so carefully keeping the fluorescent punch in restricted areas away from the carpet-- hurl happened.  And it wasn't train colored.  

Did I say up there I was going to compare and contrast two parties?  Do YOU have all day to read this blog entry?  Did you check out after the first picture realizing this is just another had-to-be-there post?  That's what I figured.  And I'm supposed to be washing my dogs for Thanksgiving travels!! That is, no doubt, the reason I'm still here. 

Ok, instead of changing the title of this post (which would be the logical choice),I'll just show you what last years party looked like so I can say I included it.  It was quite the Festivus of Verdis if I do say so myself.  Which would you rather eat (or hurl)?  Green or Blue?   

    

As you can see, our adorable Dandy is a colorful chap at any age!  Happy birthday big D!  I'm hearing talk of Red and Orange for next year so we shall see. We shall see. 

Have a great week and Holiday weekend everyone! I may not see you for a while! 

IT'S THE HUBBY'S BIRTHDAY!!

In case you didn't know it, I have the sweetest, kindest, most clever ninja husband one could possibly ask for!  Please join me in wishing him a veeeery happy birthday while I go off and try to forage for party supplies.  Here he is with young Ratchet in an extremely manly video they made over the weekend:  

Pumpkins + Sword = Fun



p.s. He made the music too. :D

LOVE YOU SWEETHEART!!! XOXOXO

What? For ME? (A.K.A. Yet another self centered entry)

HEY EVERYBODY!  IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!  Oops, but if I don't stop yelling about it I may get a citation with a sarcastically placed bow on the corner from my silence loving town.  Sorry guys....I'll put the crock on simmer now.  

Yes, it is my special day. And for some reason this year I'm on a little marathon of celebrating.  It started with a huge batch of this from my Mo and Do, that I actually purchased at the beginning of summer to attempt to undo next years wrinkles (ah, vanity).   Then on Saturday,  all three of our ninety year old Grandmas rang in their warm wishes with cards in the mail.  I was so touched that even Jamey's dear Grandmothers could  manage to think of me so far away and get a card off ahead of time when their lives are still as busy as mine!  What an amazing generation.

Then on Sunday my precious Mother-in-law made about 400(give or take ;) of her famous eggrolls and all the sides for our large Siloam family of 16 to celebrate, you guessed it, ME!  Oh man those things are good!  They have these translucent little noodles inside with sausage...DON'T GET ME STARTED.  I had two, because I'm a lady.  But, when Dandy wasn't managing to eat the eggroll left on his plate, I crammed that sucker in my mouth like a starving stray animal, wildly looking around to see if anyone was encroaching on me from either side.  But, you know, it was MY birthday dinner so BACK OFF PEOPLE!  

Ahem, cough. [composer regained].  Next evening comes, and Jamey and the boys having already presented me with this, also surprised me with this sign outside the dining room.

And then I saw these guys.

That's when I squealed and grabbed the camera and took in the whole scene.

Jamey made a huge dinner of homemade meatballs and spaggetti with all the trimmings.  He and the boys gave me the 5 star treatment, waiting on me from all directions!

I told him if this was thirty-nine, I'd have to really strap my boots on for forty because I can't imagine feeling more special!  Tee hee HEE!  

I'm still giddy because I'm scheduled to go out with some gizzurl friends tonight to see two of my favorite dude actors Pierce Brosnan(forever Remington Steele to me), and Colin Firth (Mr. Darcy, twice over-sigh); not to mention the always fabulous Meryl Streep- all wrapped up together in one of my favorite musicals to date!  MAMA-MIA!  

I grew up listening to ABBA.  On family road trips growing up, my Dad tended to pop a cassette into the player and it would remain there throughout the trip, playing over and over for the entire drive.  Needless to say, some of the most memorable moments in my upbringing have the lyrics of 'Dancing Queen' and 'Super Trooper' scripted secretly inside them much like Gollum's Precious.  

When I saw Mama Mia with my bff Arlynda in a Traveling stage production a few years back, my eyes glowed as they drank in the whole show with thirsty nostalgia rushing back into my mind for neglected sips.  AHHHHH!  (Belch-whoops,where'd the lady go, birthday girl?)  Naturally, it only fits that the movie would come out in perfect time to see it  CELEBRATION STYLE.  Yips!

So, like I said, look out forty, thirty nine's already a giddy mess of "Aw shucks" as it is.  I simply couldn't feel more special or more youthful.....unless, well....there is one thing that would make it puurrrrrfect.  A comment from YOU!  Thanks everyone for such a great birthday! Love and perhaps even hugs, Shans

Ratchet makes the decade!

Today is my dear little firstborn's birthday and I want to try to keep my wordiness to a min. (like that ;) and give a year in pictures to highlight my precious boy's goings on from year 9-10.  But knowing my track record for wordiness, do you really believe I could just start slapping pictures up willy nilly with nary an explainy? That's just not how I roll now is it? It's always fun to say stuff like that with a 'Frasier' type inflection so make sure you add that for grins.  

Well, It was an interesting though enjoyable pregnancy and he wasn't an easy delivery by any means but I.... >>>>>fast forward>>>>fast forward>>>>10 years later...decided to take Ratchet and six of his closest buddies and one sibling to see Horton Hears a Who Friday night to kick off a grand evening of sleepover splendor and shinannery.

Aside from a brief panic upon entering the movie theater and suddenly realizing I couldn't see(darn night vision) or hear(darn Dolby sound) any of the children I had come with, it all turned out fine once a nephew came to usher me to the proper row full of kids I had just been dutifully herding only moments before.  

After the movie, we raced home for sloppy joes, chips and fresh veggies(kids are so easy to feed).  Oh and did I ever represent the knowledge I have procured from all of your blogs!  I made cupcakes ala Slushturtle, and the kids made their own ice cream like Hillary's with baggies and rock salt so that was interesting and apparently tasty as well.  Yippee!  I had a picture of the ice cream too but please don't make me put it back in I tried once and everything went hideously asunder! It  turned quickly to all things weaponry anyway once the last joe slopped!

On it went with present opening and outdoor play well into the evening where we eventually all gathered in the living room where the legos and video games required some attention. 

Well, so much for that year in pictures thing eh? The party in pictures(html) has me looking as tired as J and I in that last picture so I'm going to stop there. :D
I'm glad my sweet boy had such a wonderful birthday weekend.  I certainly have enjoyed every moment of his ten short years on this earth. He is such a happy blessing that makes every day brighter. Many more big boy!!!