OHHH Life

....is bigger.

Bigger than you

And you are not me.

..But that was just a dream

Try, cry, why try?

That was just a dream

Just a dream, just a dream

Dream

When the day is long,

and the night, the night is yours alone,

When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.

Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times, Lord,

Count your blessings.

The papers wouldn't lie!

I sigh, not one more.

It's been a bad day.
Please don't take a picture.
It's been a bad day.
Please.

I've got R.E.M. running through my head this morning for some reason so I looked them up and smashed some songs together. I never really realized how sad and depressing a lot of their songs are. [Thoughtful pause] Still cool though~very cool indeed. And apparently they knew what was really going on-a bunch of sad stuff you just can't do much about.

Well, it's the end of the world (and R.E.M.) as we know it. But I feel fine. (fine, fine)

Okay, I can't stop. Since my brain IS 80% song lyrics, I guess this is to be expected.

I just can't get out of my head how rough times have gotten for most of my loved ones lately. Where are all the lighthearted sitcom circumstances? All the shiny happy people laughing? It's hard to find it amid the job loss, money lacking, sickness and death we've been seeing around here lately. If there's comedy, it tends to be dark or short lived.

Hold on.

This is not the kind of change we were hoping for! (Oops, that was campaign slogan banter, sorry.)

Back to the jumble in my head. I'm starting to wonder if the Lord is allowing more people to pass away so fewer are here to worry as even harder times come. Or is the crowd only thinning lately from my perspective? My aging self.

This weekend as we watched a dear cousin suffer a fatal heart attack during our yearly Red Rock Canyon reunion, I found myself thinking "And now, of course, THIS is happening." I didn't feel surprise-just more sadness. More grief for those suffering.

Why does praying not seem like quite enough?

If I thought latch hooking a rug would help in these times of grief, by gum I'd be turning out tacky mats by the dozen! I just don't seem to know what to do with myself to aid in this pain. I guess I'll just have to keep praying and work on being a blessing to others rather than a burden(says the dramatic high maintenance diabetic.)

Consider this, consider this:

Everyone around, love them, love them.

Where tomorrow shines, gold and silver shine.

Throw your love around.

Happy, happy.

And on that note:

This one goes out to the one(s) I love.

(My apologies to R.E.M. for what just happened.)

XOXOX

The nose knows what time it is

Don't let me startle you showing up blogside unannounced. I just thought I'd jot down an observance I made while going over some photos from a recent family trip.

I took a few of the usual "See, look, we've left the house!" pics of the various things we saw and experienced while on our getaway to Big Cedar.(BEAUTIFUL place, by the way.)

But now I'll deviate to the less predictable but palpably deeper reason I'm here.

Upon checking the pic my mom took of the hubby and myself, I happened to notice my nose had taken a stronger role on my face than it normally does. In the first photo I chalked it up to indiscriminate posing but then it went on to repeat its flared looks in each shot to follow. I'm not sure what this means. I don't even think it seems bigger than usual in that way that people say your nose keeps growing as you age. I just found it to be more nostril forward.

(I've got flare)

I wonder why my face is morphing before my eyes- under my eyes. I didn't feel I was the least bit stressed or strained, fatter or thinner than I was a smooth-nostriled couple months ago. It was simply as if I now found the world to be just a tiny bit stinkier than before. And you know what? Maybe. I. do.

Now, what about you? Is your nose behaving? Have you glanced in the mirror recently and seen a droopy eyed sharp shnozzed guy or gal gazing back? Perhaps there are two of you now?

Maybe this is just what forty-two looks like for me without the use of daily moisturizer. I rather hoped I'd age like a fine cheese since I eat so much of it, but apparently I'm taking a more of a Pete's Dragon approach to the decades ahead. Hey, at least I've got some tufted pink hair in my future! Now, off to practice my harmless quizzical look.

Smell you later,

Shans

**For more titillating topics like this, join me next time when I ponder visibly whether or not my newly bending pinky finger keeps bending.

Putting on my game face and my birthday suit

Well, I guess it was time. Time to get my Eyeore on and whip out some summer time malaise. Hey, if that opening line doesn't leave you begging for more then, I don't know HOW to please you.

You know, I made it through non-camping like the hotel staying champ I am and didn't feel the least bit stressed all week. The persnickety little D checked his troubles at the fish farm door and had the happiest week he's had in a long time. We were thrilled at the way that boy entertained himself in a 4x6 baby pool hour after hour! Water truly has a way of soothing a child with sensory issues. And, as I have been reading in my book about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome characteristics, MANY of these kids are attracted to it in the same way our boy is. Fascinating.

Happy Camper

I didn't manage to blog while on the trip because, well, I was watching cable, doing laundry, and eating cheese in my room most nights. That was enough multi-tasking for one gal. And trust me, you would have thought I was in a five star facility the way I enjoyed my ME time each eve. I'm ridiculously simple dahlings.

Until it came to the drive home.

Then, my nerves collectively started acting as if someone had taken a potato peeler to them slowly skim skim skimming away until I just started feeling like someone was repeatedly scaring me. That's not fun, but the part that most bothers me about depression/anxiety is the lack of interest in ANYTHING. I mean pahleese, I struggle with that when I'm perfectly happy! Take the psyche down a couple notches and the mayday alerts start sounding.

But, alas and alak, I talked it out with Jamey and that really did help! He noted that I often don't seem to realize that being a parent to a special need's kid can really wear on a person without her necessarily noticing. Then one day, someone gives you an odd look in the grocery store and you leave with a sackful of paranoid depression you never even put in the cart!

I have been struggling with whether to keep Dev home another year for school when none of the choices we have for him seem perfect. I like that he can concentrate at home better but he has become even less tolerant of groups and noise when we are around them on small occasions. I guess we'll know more about the new small school in town after our meeting at the first of the month.

Now I am relieved to be mentally perkier- putting things in perspective, remembering that it's my favorite season of the year, that I love my family madly and they love me too, and that God has a purpose for me (yes, even on loser days). I am not alone here and even though I sometimes feel freaky, the reality is life IS occasionally more comparable to a confusing Japanese game show than the board version by Milton Bradley.

Though we might spin the wheel and collect from our chosen career on payday, we can also expect to sometimes feel like we're being repeatedly pelted by giant wet sponges while maneuvering across a slippery punching conveyor belt. "Heey, I think I'm gonna..wait, what's this?!"

It really just depends on the day now doesn't it. And speaking of days, tomorrow is MY special day. So I think I'll hit the sack so I can wake up and enjoy my facebook wishes properly rested. :D

Happy Birthday to Donetta and Dawnetta my b-day buddies!

XO Shan

Getting things straight

Dear Diary,

Lots of things are rattling around in my head today and I don't really know what to zoom in on. I thought I'd come here where we can be alone and jot some things down to ponder whilst away on our trip.

Okay, so first of all. I cried a little tear at the Chiropractor yesterday. Yes, it was totally hormonal -a "pretty" cry- with no makeup lost. They were giving this presentation that involved me looking at x-rays of my curvaceous spine complete with stiff bony neck and the technician telling me that I needed to come in twice a week for 11 weeks-then once a week totalling 64 (yes, sixty-four) treatments to get my spine back in the neighborhood of it's original form and my head not jutting out ahead of the rest of me like a curious but friendly visiting alien's.

After that, of course, I'd have the absolute luxury of only coming once or twice a month for maintenance. Say wha???

While the nice lady spoke, I just kept thinking about all the furniture and home improvements I could buy from Sam's with that imaginary chiro money, and then went on to visualize myself skillfully pedaling a recumbent bike down a winding path for no correlating reason but my own entertainment. I wonder how those are for long-backed ladies with a touch of scoliosis. I really like how it seems like you're just lounging around on them in a comfy laid back position all the while totally moving forward looking at the scenery....or a good book...

Ok, sorry sorry. So, acheybacknonewfurnitureorbike it shall be. AND on to the next issue.

We've now completed one rip-roarin' year of home school, the First Grader and I. And though there actually was a bit of ripping (him ripping pages of work) and roarin' (me losing my complete cool once and a while), we really did get some fairly low stress learnin' in- which was the main goal.

There seemed to be no improvement, however, in his ability to concentrate or follow directions in a group. Even a small out of shape dog sleeping in the room was enough to get his spider senses tingling toward irritation. I still cannot imagine him doing anything but beeping and holding his ears in an actual classroom. If we decide to do second grade at home, I think I'll need a proper curriculum and not the willy nilly seat-o-the pants lesson plans I used this year. Sadly, I seem to be as into teaching as I am most things. Tepidly.

Next item on the block: What's with these extra ten pounds? I het them Ignacio. I het all the extra pounds in the whole world!

Being almost forty-two is not as much fun as being almost forty. I think my chances for being on 'So you think you can dance' may be dwindling to nil at this point. Oh well, at least I've got the Yoga and my homemade hula hoops (Hoopsuckers, Shizameters) with which to strengthen my back and middle. I think I'll make one for Susu (my only niece) and take them on our trip.

I threw that video in for you Diary, because I know you like the cinema. ;)

Speaking of "our trip", we are leaving for Illinois in a couple days and will be gone for an entire week of camping/non-camping. I do the latter while the rest of the family stays in tents, don'tcha know. It is Jamey's Granny Clayberg's fish farm where J's fam stayed for months at a time while missionaries on furlow in the States. Granny passed away this past year so it will be an emotional last trip to the place they all know so well.

I like how the five oldest cousins run around that place like a pack of wolf boys. They fish, have air-soft battles, play games like Kick-the-can, and have all kinds of old school fun. The younger boy and girl cousins kinda join in here and there and play with each other while my little loner wanders around the adults playing with water and trying to braid all the camping equipment together into one giant pulley system. He is kind of in an "Uh, I have nothing to do." state right now so he and I may be taking some field trips into the neighboring farm towns to see what we can see. I am actually a little bit looking forward to soaking in the sun and trolling around in the boat with a fishing pole. This is a new feeling for me but I am trying to go with it.

That's all for now, Diary, as even you will tire of me if I can't learn to nip it. I might bring my faithful Lappy along and try to record some of our trip for the ages.

Thanks for letting me hash things out with you.

Evermore,

S

The elephant story in the room

Today I shall break my nine month silence for no other reason than-- Heeh, why not? It wasn't like I was monking it (the verb) on purpose or anything.

I guess it's possible, however, that I've lost my more flowery presentation style while off non-blogging. But I figure now that it's been this long, very few will see my soft re-entry into posting and I can quickly slip back into the blog waters like a svelte Olympic diver-all pointy toed and serious. Bloop.

Aaaand, now that I've managed to liken myself to an olympic monk in a few short sentences, I guess I'll get to the real reason for being here. Showing off my offspring!!

Yes, I wanted to post a blurb of Big G's writing on my blog so I'll have a mini journal of this stuff and also so grandmas and friends alike can take a peek at what he's working on this summer. I read the first 15 pages of his book (on his laptop-not by feather pen) this morning and really loved it! Forget, I do that he has such a way with words and vocabulary! He's just thirteen but already can really describe and develop characters and events that seem so mature. I shall make great effort to cheer him on to completing this one.

Here's the very beginning of his book which I'm not sure if he's named yet, but is about a group of elephants who practice "Timbo-Kwon-Do" and are called upon to use this ancient elephant art form for the greater good or something totally awesome like that. Teeheehee.

I'm going to say goodbye for now up here because below this cut-and-paste-in my font gets all messed up if I try to type and it looks like a continuation of the story. It's fun being back though! Hope to see you 'round the blogs this summer!! ~Shan

Prologue

Dawn was arriving in the jungles of Africa, awakening wildlife to its majestic scenery. Monkeys were screeching, birds were squawking, all unaware of the events of the day. In a sun filled clearing, a lone male elephant treaded through the lush, green grass, searching for a drink. His long trunk guided him with the scent of clean, life-giving water. The elephant pushed on, unaware of the figures surrounding him. Hidden by the thicket, they closed in on the unsuspecting mammal. They stopped at the edge of the bracken, and paused. All was silent, except for the distance sounds of wildlife. Sensing that danger was near, the elephant froze. Their was a moment of silence... and the elephant hurled his five ton bulk into the bracken, accurately sending a man flying with a thrust of his foot. He was perched on his back feet, his front feet still outward from the strike. He backflipped through the air, with impossible agility for the largest land mammal in the world. When he landed he struck again, knocking another two figures away with a double punch. The male elephant was more than twice the men's height, and they stood no chance against the amazingly powerful animal. One by one they were sent flying from a kick or punch, their weapons cast away into the dense African woodland. Once his work was finished, the male elephant relaxed his bulky frame, and continued his search for water.

** Jamey just shared cloud technology with me so now I can put up the first six chpts. he's gotten done ;) Here's the link: http://cl.ly/312J1N1D0L320A233q2Q

Under Construction

In case you think I'm gone forever, I thought I'd explain that I am really just on a passive strike until my hubbs gives me a fresh new look here at Shansland. I may not hold out that long though because I'm in the mood to write slightly longer updates than my facebook statuses allow. And since I announced I'll be away indefinitely, I've sufficiently taunted myself into wanting to blog. I may end up slapping a little powder on the more hagardly parts of this old place here and forging on unchanged. We shall see. We shall see.

Until then, you can find me on facebook looking into lifes deeper issues in forty-six characters or less. I'm not sure who I'm fooling with this as we know I pretty much just ooze aspartame damaged brain juice no matter what the length of the page. But it sounds good nonetheless!

Bye for now,

Shan

(Hope the hammering sounds don't get too loud for you over here.)

Smelly souvenirs

HELLO fellow bloggists! I have a lot of nerve calling myself a bloggist when I barely check in here these days. But I like to feel included so there it is.

I'm far too behind to update anyone on my goings on, but Jamey is home from a three day trip to Kansas City with his job and I wanted to show you what he made while he was there.

He attended a workshop and a seminar or two given by some well known designers. One of the speakers was a favorite of his, Tim Biskup. Jamey has been a fan of his for a while and took a small book of TB's designs to have him sign. Needless to say he LOVED the talk and the autograph complete with drawing Biskup added to Jamey's book!

Another designer he met gave a workshop where they made these beautiful flowers.

Matthew Sporzynski is a paper artist who's work regularly appears in Real Simple magazine. You should scroll through some of his stuff on that last link if you have time. He can make ANYTHING out of paper!! Jamey said his huge personality alone was worth experiencing-pure entertainment.

This project came from an ad prop he produced for a perfume made from whatever flower this is (I'm sorry I don't do thorough journalism). Jamey forgot what it is called. Geranium maybe?

Anyway, Mathew S. allowed each flower made in the workshop to be squirted with this $600 essence of flower of some sort perfume. It smells very real!

And then they made little window boxes to keep them in.

He brought it home to me as a gift! Isn't that C-U-T-E?

And a MUCH nicer treat than the souvenir he took for himself from the trip which was a mixed media display of hurl-your-guts-'till-your-ribs-hurt food poisoning.

Not cool, Mongolian Barbeque!

"Welcome home Sweetheart! Hey, why so green?"

"Oh, you know, art workshops...yurp".

"Riiight." :~{

So hubby is back and feeling better and we are off to a great summer. Hope yours is full of creativity and you blog about all your adventures! I'll be checking in on you!

If you give a Shan a toilet...*

(this toilet knows what it's capable of)

She's gonna want a new floor(without duct tape on it) to seal it to.

If you let her pick out a new bathroom floor..

She's gonna want the claw footed tub painted a fresh new color.

If you are already removing the tub for flooring..

She's gonna want you to go ahead and take the cabinet with the mauve countertop out too.

Since you are changing the color scheme this much already...

She's gonna want to paint the whole room.

While shopping for a tiny patch of flooring and new paint, Shan's gonna see the carpet samples....

Then, she's going to want to use your tax refund to get new carpet in all the rooms upstairs.

But, while cleaning the dingy base boards...

She's gonna want to paint the trim in each room.

Painting the trim is going to be so easy without worrying about making a mess on the old floors...

She's gonna decide at least one more room needs painting.

With all the room rearranging, painting, and garage sale gathering and sloughing going on...

you'll somehow end up with another set of bunk beds. (???)

So alas, what is the lesson we all learn at one point or another in our lives...

Replacing a toilet can be QUITE an ordeal!

A guilty Grinch grin is forming across my face as we speak.

Kinda reminds me of the time I needed a new oven...

* This, of course, is a play on the well known Children's book 'If you give a mouse a cookie..'

IT'S A MAJOR AWARD!

Yesterday we received a paper invitation, printed and folded into quarters home-made-card style. It said:

Dear Parents,

You and your family are invited to attend the awards night for the youth's writing contest given by the [Our town] Writers. Your child, or children, will receive a certificate along with the prize money.

"Your child, or children, will receive a certificate along with the prize money"? What? One or BOTH of my children will receive THE prize money? I'm confused.

Why can't I understand the writing of the Writers Club?

So that happened yesterday. And tonight, the kids and I went to the Senior Citizens Activity Center as requested on the invite, instead of going to see Jamey play music in Fayetteville as we'd planned.

It's a good thing we did too because my boy won FIRST PLACE in the Prose category with his story 'The Golden Manatee'. This was a contest he entered totally on his own volition from a flyer he saw at school! Isn't that neato? He had to write a short story beginning with the sentence "The door was closed."

What fun for him to be rewarded for something he really enjoys doing!

It's so thrilling and strange to see your children grow up into their own- bageck- (sorry-losing my cool a little bit there) independent selves. He's such a wonderful newly twelve year old and we do love him so...and not just for his prize money.

Have a terrific Easter weekend all!

Slap those thighs

Not a morning person? Then you are sure to have kids who are.

Who needs coffee really. Oh yeah...me.

Simple Cooking Failures(episode two)

It's time for the second installment (second verse-lamer than the first) of a little segment I call Simple Cooking Failures. It lacks spunk and luster due to the particular circumstance of the failure itself, but I'll share it with you anyway.

Here's the birthday cake completed to the best of my ability at 4:00 in the morning. Good thing Ratchet is so easy to please. He knows my heart(and hopefully not my hair) is in it.

Funny, I thought that yellow brick was a sickening flesh color last night. This is a nice surprise. Ahh, but I got it done-and plenty early it turns out.

The party is now set for Friday (three days away) due to three sickly cousins that couldn't come today. Wah-wah. It just wouldn't be the same without them.

NOW, I'm feeling like a genius for using Crisco in my "buttercream frosting". What foresight-what planning! I wrapped it up tight and it may taste even more authentically LEGOlicious(like plastic) by Friday. I wouldn't be at all surprised.

Sleeplessness makes me so sunny. Now if I could just get this fluffy cloud feeling off of my face I could truly shine.

Night nighZZZZZ....

Cat tells

The other day I went outside and came upon a cat,

who sat upon my lap.

Then another happened along,

and it soon became a throng....

(My back fence this very morning)

Ok, so I'm back to the blog after a brief hiatus. I told the facebookers a couple days ago that I had rushed inside and jotted down some things I've been pondering about cats (Yes, I DO realize that sends up a freak flag with a paw on it, but I'm ok with that.) And, since that brought out a few of my fellow cat loving freaks friends, as well as a few that just enjoy a side show- I figured I'd share.

It wasn't really a list of questions to be answered by other cat "enthusiasts" (That sounds better right?), but more a batch of thoughts pertaining to cats that might be better expressed in the Jeff Foxworthy way. So here were my passing cat fancies:

You might be a Catlady if....

...you seriously ponder purchasing a 3ft. tall rod iron cat shaped plant holder from a store called "Oops!"- though it is quite clear you are not a "plant person".

... you coax a cat you've never seen before over to you, then let it lay on your lap for thirty minutes while it kneads it's claws into your wrist.

...you look deep into previously mentioned cat's eyes as it adores you, and wonder if it could possibly be an angel sent in this form with a special message just for you. Then you wait a moment for it.

...on your wedding day your friends and family all make a pact to not tell you about the incident involving the cat in the parking lot of the church.

...you yell out "Kittee!!" into the darkness only to realize you may have been talking to a decorative rock in someone's yard.

...you have a "great idea" of what to stencil on your cork board, but are reminded with a sigh from your husband that this particular room already has at least thirteen other pictures of cats in it.

...once upon a time you looked in the mirror and regularly saw a resemblance between you and your cat Tigger.

...your current pets also remind you of him.
And finally, you might be a Catlady if you can come up with such a list about YOURSELF!

Have a purrfectly splended weekend! Meow.

Just Illin' and cold chillin'

First signs of life: Day two-the orneriness returns.

And story time humour for couch bound youth:

And finally, when your sick you can sleep most anywhere.

Be warm and well fellow bloggers!

(Facebookers click on 'View original post' for videos)

Lava: It's not just for video games

Here's a little experiment for the scientifically minded folks in the audience (read: grandparents and cousins). Ratchet had a much anticipated school project due to erupt this week, so of course we took some snaps and did a little trial run before hand to get a feel for the explosive power we were working with.

Here is the volcano in it's dormant state. The natives are busily going about their lives completely unaware of what's brewing at the base of this beast.

Here's Ratchet proudly standing behind his volatile creation.
And here's our practice run the evening before the natural disaster was to take place.

Speaking of natural disasters, you'll catch a glimpse of our torn up kitchen in the middle of its makeover. It's not an attractive sight right now but I am using my swanky new stove and microwave-which helps keep me chipper sans countertops. OH, and please turn the sound down if my constant noise gets bothersome during the pre-eruption. I am annoying! Here's what happened to his actual volcano at school on Thursday. Yay for extra credit!

(p.s. Any young kids (or middle aged men) who want to make your own version: We forgot to mention that we also added a couple squirts of dish soap to create a foamy effect ;)

Did I forget to share my meat cake with you?

Shame on me and my big fake fingernails!

One of the fun things that happened (and I documented) during the hoobity whatie part of the holidays was Santa's (and Trisha's) Magical X-mas party. Oh yes, it was DElightfully tacky. I'm suddenly feeling likewise myself just now posting about last year's fun here on this mid January day in 2 ot 10. BUT, still I want to share these olden times with family and friends who might have missed out, and of course future me who won't remember any of it very very soon.

I made a progressive photo log of the "Christmas cake with a smack of ham" that I contributed to the party. I thought it would be kind of fun to see it come about in pictures.

• FIRST, I lined the tree shaped cake pan with crustless flattened white bread. (I seem to have forgotten this photo so I'll leave a space and you can mentally squish and press the bread to your liking.)

• Next I smeared 4 cans of deviled ham(a little gelatinous for my taste) evenly on the bread and up the sides.

• Then I lovingly placed olive loaf slices atop the canned ham continuing on in the tree shape.

• Next I topped the compressed lunchmeat with a sizable bowl of homemade chicken salad. This part I would happily eat.

• Once I got that smeared around, I smashed another layer of white bread on top like so...

• With much anticipation, I then turned that sucker of a sammy right over onto a foil lined tray. It was nothing short of albino splendor. See if you agree.

• Once that was all done, I "iced" the colourless conifer with cream cheese and "trimmed" it with celery and festive radish ornaments(that hubby styled whimsically with a knife).

• And BOOM goes the dynamite! All it needed now was generic Ruffles and a Twilight plate!

Here it is joining T's corndog casserole, the classic Ants on a log and Dorothy's clear jello among other tastefully tacky treats.

So there you have it!

I hope you plan on making a holiday meat cake at your next gathering! It's just as easy as putting on pantyhose if you have the right shape to smash it into! I also have a Big Bird and Bugs Bunny shaped cake pans (funny what you find when you uproot your cabinets) just begging to ham it up for your guests!

Enjoy! You know we did! Thanks for all the fun Trishie!

Just like a home schooling mom without all the kids to teach!

I'm becoming so natural from the neck down I can hardly recognize myself! I just made my first batch of homemade laundry detergent and am now clearly unstoppable. Just point me to the patch of land you want vegetated this Spring. I'm a true pioneer. I've made soap with these hands! Is there anything coming in between me and a complete organic vegetable garden now?!

Oh yeah, all that wormy dirt touching work and such.

Ok. Coming down from my high now. Maybe my first batch of detergent doesn't make me entirely hearty and self sufficient but it was a super cool feeling while it lasted. And I do love my new detergent recipe! My gal pal Tab gave me a jar of this laundry soap at Christmastime and I just fell so in love with its crisp fresh scent and washing power, I had to find the goods to make it myself.

All that's needed is:

1/2 cup Borax

1 cup Arm and Hammer Super Washing Soda(no picnic to find, btw.)

1 bar of Fels Naptha soap-grated (So awesome but equally hard to pin down in your everyday store.)

essential oil (optional ingredient: I used Lavender this time to see what happens.)

It is supposed to weigh in at just a fraction of the cost of store bought brands and you can sass it up anyway you like with essential oils (though while making it I found it to smell great as is.)

It is Michelle Duggar's(mother of 19 and local celeb.) recipe that Tab shared with me. I made four batches tonight which totals around 160 loads. I should be set for a while!

And now I've got plenty of time to sing this:

I'm easily impressed with myself it's true. This will no doubt keep my negative self talk at bay until well into next week!

Look out world! I'm every woman.

Talent Show: Day 5

Talent is as talent does:

Well, now, any of you who know my hubby also know he really has no talent to speak of. ;) Poor guy, I know. Since we couldn't think of anything good enough to compare to some of the previous entries, I just decided to post one of his recent attempts at "entertainment" where he is showing us one of the ways he makes music with his computer.

Like I said, not exactly dog ventriloquy, but it is something. (Wheeze!)

My Grandma's recipes are lethal

But, as they say..."Everything in moderation including moderation."

Perhaps I should warn people to take each tin slowly around curves. ;)

See you when the powdered sugar settles!

Talent show: Day 4

Ever since we started the talent show entries the dogs have been hounding me to get in on the action. You know how camera hungry small dogs can be. So while we round up Jamey's entry, we thought it would be a good time to put in a little Christmas number the T & T (dynomite) recently worked up. Of course, when it was my idea to finally film it they totally gave me the disinterested faces of teenagers. Whatever lickies.

So here they are without their Christmas hats or spirits (a contractual compromise):

Tiki and Tulip

Trust me, I've been this ridiculous for years. ;)

Another birthday already?

Yesterday our Dandy dude turned SEVEN! I can't believe it has been five years since I saw his tiny little sleeping face and immediately went squishy with love. He was our first foster child and a complete answer to prayer as we had been hoping to adopt but felt God was leading us toward fostering through the state.

Shortly after arriving in our care at not quite two, he needed two separate surgical procedures done to correct hearing and vision problems so he was placed on the extreme makeover circuit to get him caught up. It was an all consuming stressful but joyous time for all of us. Getting to know him and seeing him heal physically and mentally, were our main focus that first year before he became ours officially. We tried not to give in to our trepidation about his future as to whether he'd remain with us or go back to his father who gave us little hope of rehabilitation or parental competency. And instead tried to do all we could to further his future either way. Of course once we met him, we could never imagine life without him!

And now we're here. Still discovering, still healing and growing together as a family.

The learning curve continues. One of the things that we now understand more clearly is just how affected the bonding process is when a child has had a rough start in life. The brain actually forms differently in children who aren't cared for properly and they become practically hard wired with defensive mechanisms that keep them going in a state of self preservation, preventing them from feeling too deeply and therefore detaching themselves from true pain. It's an incredibly helpful AND hurtful dose of denial built right into the newly forming brain chemistry.

As an adopted person myself, I've not had any understanding of Attachment Disorder having gone home from the hospital and fully bonded with my "forever" family.

It was not until we planned on adopting a nearly three year old that attachment concerns even came to my attention. Even then to me it seemed pretty black and white. They get to know you and trust you, then you have attached. Check mark on steps 1,2,and 3. Nurture wins every time!

Of course this is not the case. And now I've even come to learn that some kids have it way worse than most people could ever imagine. This is called Reactive Attachment Disorder(RAD). Having a challenging child such as Dandy, I've tried to educate myself on this and many other possibilities that have come to mind when attempting to understand our own little complex guy.

As no two children are the same, we've found that our Dandy especially follows no previous pattern or rule book. He is wonderfully unique in the way that each fine human piece of art created by God is. But, he IS an abstract creation and a head scratcher to be sure.

He is diagnosed with Mixed Developmental Disorder, which we are told is sort of a blanket label to allow him to receive all the services available to him from which he might benefit. If they put him in the spectrum of Autism, then he would receive only specific help in that direction. And he's not entirely Autistic but more a mix of that,Oppositional Defiance, Cerebral Palsy, Microcephaly, Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD, developmental delays,Failure to thrive, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Attachment Disorder, all in a colorful candy shell.

Yes, he has some challenges and therefore so do we. I'm of course not saying he's the most difficult child in the world. I've met and read about much more medically and emotionally challenged children. He is just such a mixture of issues, we never quite know what needs to be done to help him deal with things easier.

He hasn't been doing well with the school setting since he began kindergarten and though we even have him in a special school to handle this, he seems to be doing the same or even worse. He never integrates in with the other children and even disrupts the class so much with noise or destructive behavior, he has to be removed several times per day.

About a month ago he decided, by pitching huge fits and unbuckling his seatbelt, not to ride home in the transport vehicle. So I've had to pick him up myself which usually takes more than an hours worth of driving time at the same time Ratchet is getting out of school in our town each afternoon. This just doesn't work for us at all.

Every time something new comes up we can't help but wonder if the experts know what their doing. Is our child in capable hands or are they putty in his? Why does he seem to confuse them on a daily basis? Aren't they trained in every possible situation? Should we let our instincts override the conflicting voices in our ears or trust the people who schooled specifically for these things? I'm not really sure.

I am sure that he is going to keep surprising us in good and bad ways. Just as we expect a certain behavior from him, he totally throws us an opposite. For instance, he potty trained in less than four days. He quit a major six year thumb sucking habit in two. He can't put his own socks on or take his shirt off by himself but can read an entire book to you if he so chooses. He is a wonder not to be underestimated.

What a wily little coyote we have in that kid! He is so adorable, creative, and focused one minute and so donkey stubborn, destructive, repetitive, and manipulative the next. He wants to please, but also has a strong voice inside him working to sabotage any good rapport he's formed with someone.

We have gained so much ground with him over the years though. SO much. (I repeat for myself). We definitely go backwards occasionally too, but are trying to keep the wheels pointed forward and the positives accentuated when he's having them.

I ache to keep him home from school at times when I'm most frustrated with his behavior there. He would never throw a chair or peel up a floor at my house and know he could get away with it. We do let him make his quirky noises more at home because he doesn't have to sit in a classroom without disturbing other children.

But, "they" keep telling me he needs to deal with this now. He needs to be able to be around people and interact with them properly. And he does. But he also needs the physical, speech, occupational therapies and psychiatric care he is receiving at this school. He just wouldn't get those things at home without us breaking the bank entirely.

So we are tightly squeezed between the rock and hard place doing what we are told is best for our child. I am claustrophobic in here, but with the help of medicine for Dandy(and ok, myself too ;), we are learning to deal with the anxiety and sometimes debilitating daily challenges that swoop in and try to steal our confidence and joy. It is an endurance thing not a quick fix.

Still we wonder what next year will bring. And the next. And the next. It is scary raising an oppositional child that doesn't respond much to consequence and has trouble forming bonds with people. I know many parents with kids like this struggle with thoughts of the future when it's hard enough to deal with life's pressures on a child without any challenges.

I pray daily that we will grow stronger as a family in dealing with difficult periods in our Dandy's life. And that God will give him a supernatural wisdom that keeps him safe and able to make good decisions as he grows into adulthood and goes out into a dangerous world on his own.

In the meantime, I must remind myself that though wedged, I'm not completely confined in this hard place. I can still glorify God from this position and that is really all that is required of me. No excuses Shan. Stop that worry and get to the GLORY! God loves these wounded children more than any of us can comprehend.

Thank you for letting me spill. I guess I slipped into essay mode there. :}

I don't mind at all if you skipped to the part where I say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS BOY!!!" We love our gift!