WHEWWWW! I'm alone. Well, there are two little darlings sleeping upstairs, but down here it's just me and I'm totally and completely...ok, yes technically there are two dogs at my feet and I believe our friend Opie(our semi-pet possum. You'd have to have read my myspace blog for that story) may be below my feet under the house. But you get what I'm saying right? Alone, and quite still.
I'm simply worn slick having just had one semi-stranger come for dinner and later(He and Hubby are at the movies now) an overnighter. Has my reclusive and retardant behavior really declined to this level? I sit now disgusted that one simple dinner guest can throw me off my game so effortlessly.
You see, at home I'm typically quite the introvert. I think this is because once I'm home I just peel off the outer layer of capability and gush out into all angles of lumpy laziness. I can be disgustingly slothful. There I said it. It's truly a characteristic that I despise about myself. Yet, many days I'm challenged(negatively- not olympic hopeful style) by movement and inspiration. It takes me hours longer than the average person to do any one thing and sometimes I don't do more than that thing if ole lumpy has her way . Even days when I appear to have energy, A.D.D. combines with the slo-mo effect and carves such a wedge out of my morning that I feel like a time traveler.
My simple goal for this particular afternoon was to tidy up a room for our dinner/overnight guest (a friend of Jamey's from out of town) to sleep in. And make tacos for dinner. This all seems normal and fine I'm sure. At this point, I tried to ignore any food/lodging related anxiety I would normally launch into and in the name of Christian hospitality I bucked up. "You can do this silly girl." I cooed at myself reassuringly. "What's he gonna do, write up his stay in the local paper and mock all your obvious shortcomings? Surely you have REAL problems you could dwell on as you tidy up this small....YOU THREE TOED SLOTH! WHAT HAS EXPLODED UP IN HERE WHILE YOU SAT ON YOUR CAN DOWNSTAIRS IN BLISSFUL INDIFFERENCE!!" Yes, I had switched over to "visitor vision" and seen that every place I fixed my eyes upon needed some serious attention.
Now for you regular achievers out there, it was about an hours work and quite the non-event. But this time lapsing heroine was in a serious savin' face situation! Slowly and methodically backward, I worked the rooms over giving them lots of looking and relooking before actually picking up a toy or turning on a vacuum. "Yes, this is indeed a challenge." I told myself three octaves lower due to the speed I was going. So for the next five hours I plodded through normal housework and had what I considered a good final product.
But this did not get my "simple" taco dinner anywhere closer to the table and by now it was almost Dandy's bedtime! In another hour I had dinner made (perhaps due to J's prechopping of the salad fixin's) and the family of four plus one was fed.
Do you see my trouble? The world moves on without me! I am clearly suffering a lack of kinesthetic ability that keeps me from the performance level necessary to keep a house on any given day. I've just now blinked twice and that movie the guys went to is well over! I am no longer alone. Well, I'm still the only one physically awake now because they've come in, discussed a few things and scurried off to bed. So, I'm just as alone as before only there are more sleeping people to list with the creatures.
It's possible I may be caught in some kind of a vortex because I'm seeing a cyclical path forming here now. Could this be the same kind of problem I face each and every time I attempt something like this initially short little post. Its a whirlpool of words isn't it? That's it. I've just got to find the straight lines and avoid the curvy ones now. This blog is solving my every problem! I will soon be up to speed and hosting huge parties here on a nightly basis. All fears be darned! Oops, I need to be careful not to slip over into delusional now and refocus. One foot in front of the other and stay the course!