Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Gee...Your hair smells terrific!

This morning Old Green had an appointment to get a drain hole under her hood unclogged as aging cars and people occasionally need to do.  So, as most car fixes go, we headed out with both vehicles to the glass shop (glass shop for a clogged drain hole? I don't try to understand.) where she was scheduled for drop off. 

I tossed the keys at my friend Tab's(Hi Tab) step dad after a small exchange of who we mutually knew in town, and dashed out the door to join my family in the other car.  For some reason when I hurriedly got in the car I just jumped into the back seat and was sitting directly behind Jamey.  This is the part that the Heavenlies surely controlled because I can't recall ever not sitting in the other front seat on a car trip-long or short.  

About halfway to hubby's office which was maybe a five minute drive total, a glop of something caught my gaze on the very crown of Jamey's head in front of me.  I let my eyes focus in further and my brain considered I'd seen a huge hair gel accident sitting there. So quickly I gave him a mental "Bless his heart, he's no metrosexual" pity.  But, sure as I got that thought going, my synapses fired again and I had recognition!  B..I..R..D......P..U..C..K...Y... was the answer scrolling across my mind like one of those red dot running signs advertising specials in store windows. This definitely WAS special!  

Immediately I voiced an urgent "OH, OH, OH!"  and he braced for collision quickly looking around for trouble.  I finally spit out "You have a... TWIST CONE  sized dropping on the top of your head!!!"  And then, of course, I immediately went into alternating shutters and giggles all at his expense.   No one in my family ever finds these things as funny as I do, but Ratchet sitting next to me and Jamey, the victim, both tried to be amused while we found a napkin and I carefully pinched at the grey and white goo ball nestled around his hair shafts like a giant louse nit. "Fight the gag Shan.  Fight the gag." I chanted to myself like the pro I am.

It's just a good thing I've been a mother for a while and have nasty glop grabbing skills, because the whole thing came out without a trace of evidence that anything had been there at all.  

Together we quickly tried to imagine all of the embarrassing ways his poo head could have been discovered throughout the day and how many would have seen it before someone as obnoxious as his chortling wife would have been brave enough to tell him.  He's already had to purposely slop water all over his shirt to match his pants after many bad hand washing splatters to the crotch at the low shallow sink in their new restrooms. 

 I wasn't there to help him with those.  Nor was I there at the first day of his previous job in OKC when he showed up for a drug screening with matching trails of blood running down either side of his neck from his jawline after nervously nicking himself with the razor that morning.  I'm sure they were amazed HE passed the test that day given we lived no where near Transylvania.  And what non-needle pusher would be so out of touch with his own corporate look?  Well, I know one.  And he's a keeper.  So I'm just glad I can be there to help with that extra set of eyes when I can.  Today I could have used an extra pair of latex gloves as well.  

 Speaking of donning gloves...there's a nasty dog rump waiting for me in the other room.  Tiki's blown a colon again.  I really oughta just keep these things on.


Tally said...

OH NO! Poor Jamey! I'm sure I've been pooped on in my lifetime, what with all the pigeons in Italy. I know for sure both my brothers have. I was there. Bren-on his shoulder. Chubs-on his head!! Right outside of church....poor fellas. I bet he's super glad you hopped in the car celeb-style.

Also poor little Tiki!!

dive said...

Hee hee hee!
Oh, Shan … I'm glad I finished breakfast before reading that.

Dear Prudence said...

I had gone with my dad to CT for an interview at a college I was considering going to. It was a beatiful summer day so the windows were down. Smack, right on my right shoulder a big wad of bird poo. I so feel his ewwwwness!

RoverHaus said...


As I recall from college days, this may not have been the first time your husband had animal feces in his hair.

AfricaBleu said...

Oh, didn't Jamey tell you that bird poo is what MKs use for hair gell? How did you miss that? You removed it and I bet his hair was un.manage.able all day long.

Deanna said...

Women Flock To Bird Poop Facials


OMG what?

Shan said...

Huh? We do? Maybe I can run and find that wadded up napkin and wash my face with it tonight. Thanks for the tip Deanna! We are a strange people.

lynn said...

EEuuuuwww LOL you made me laff.

Scout said...

You're a trooper.

I have a cat who has issues "back there" and needs attention now and then, so I sympathize with the dog situation.

Maria said...

Oh. Ick. I just sat there being totally grossed out until it occurred to me that I am the mom on the playground who once took off Liv's pee soaked sneaker and when I realized that I could not get the knot undone with my fingers, tried using my teeth until I remembered WHY I had taken her shoes off....

MmeBenaut said...

Poor Jamey. i wonder what he was doing when he copped it. Bless your wifely eyes.
As for rubber gloves - I have a gorgeous elbow length black pair with a leopard skin cuff with leopard scrubbing brush to match. I could post a set over to you. Sounds like you need them.

Maria's comment about the knot in Liv's shoe made me chuckle. Nothing like a little pee in the family.
Fortunately for me all my cats take care of their own rear ends - so far so good.