Finally something happened today that I can't blame on "The Diabetus" as we like to call it. I have been suffering from an inability to blog this week and it's not really even from being too busy or preoccupied. I simply haven't been able to form sentences. I'm still struggling with it as I lumber through this post. And it's a little startling to see myself attempting to explain something in my usual long winded way, but getting nothing useful and erasing time and time again.
It seems I've been slowly exfixiated (no not exfoliated, spellcheck but thanks for trying to help) by something toxic underneath this room. It has gotten so bad that last night when a friend was over, she even said it was giving her a headache. I must admit my lungs feel like they've been chemically burned and my throat has been getting sore as well. I hope whatever that was has not actually done permanent damage to my grayer than usual brain. Some days my bulbs are brighter than others so it's hard to tell-durn diabetus.
I started combing the place today in desperation trying to find the source of this ever increasing smell. It is so chemical, like a bug bomb or I don't know, Agent Orange or something. It's not an organic smell like dead possum or a misplaced broccoli crown. (Btw, try to keep track of your broccoli.)
No, This is skull and bones toxic! It burns the insides of my throat and makes my brain pulse. Did I already mention that? I'm still suffering fume damage you know.
Jamey went under the house today because the smell had only intensified and I had checked everything I could think of that could possibly be a source up here. Well, botta bing! The toxic odor was even worse under there and he found a rusted can that was leaking and fuming like crazy. YIKES! How many brain cells and years have I just lost due to that thing? I DONT KNOW I'VE BEEN CHEMICALLY ALTERED!!! Papa, can you hear me?......
If THIS turns out to be the cause of my eventual cancer I will be so annoyed. I had it all planned that I would strictly blame the deadly aspartame/saccharin combo I've been using in my coffee for years. But now I just won't know. I feel like I've been poisoned and the epidermis of my communication center was the first layer burned off.
My only hope now is that by breathing this toxin for several days, I have begun to develop some sort of super power. I realize I didn't actually fall into a vat of chemicals but I wouldn't want THAT much of an altering anyway. Perhaps something more discreet and less angry than green skin or a joker's grin would be nice. Maybe I'll notice I'm a little more stretchy than usual. That could help with housework and such. Or, if I'm lucky, I'll suddenly be able to cook food with my pointed finger. That might be marketable. I could be called KeBabs!, or The Human Skewer. This could surely excite people who watch the Food network channel.
More likely I'll suffer lung rot and my power will just be spitting green wads of acid at weeds in my yard or something equally non-heroic. I'll try to note any new developments and keep you informed of physical alterings. I did take a pretty long nap today but now that I think about it that's not really newsworthy at all.
We've got the doors open and other than the throat burning, I think my head is beginning to clear up a little so only time will tell. This could be the end to my career as a wedding singer. But then again Janis Joplin got a lot of gigs with her rasp so maybe I'll just have to limit myself to Rod Stewart songs and keep scratchin' it out until all of my friends are happily married. "Faw ha hawa eva Young".
And now all I can do (other than spike and bleach my hair of course) is pray the Lord my soul and lungs to keep another day. Have a fresh Monday my friends! XOXO