Born to shine, or past my prime?

My phone made its last call this weekend and slipped away some time Monday without so much as a final vibration.  I'd only had it a few years but that didn't keep the shoddy workmanship from shining through, no sir.  Nor did it keep the nice saleslady from mocking my "ancient sim card" when she whipped the back off of my lifeless companion and dug out the tiny fingernail sized chip under the battery.  She managed to retrieve the old info pretty as you please and copy them over to my 2009 model so that was just swell. 

 I thought as they waited to have me pay until the end of the process, that it might be a funny joke to painstakingly choose a new celly after quizzing all workers and shoppers on each phone's specific differences, get everything transferred over and all the new contract bits approved  and then say "Yeah, like, this is cool and all but I think I'll shop around a bit before actually deciding on my new phone."  But, sometimes my joke thoughts are really not very funny at all and this was one such time.  

So, after a quick blank stare to wander that mental rabbit trail, I whipped out my debit card and swiped the thing to get my new phone paid for and myself back from that day long communication hiatus. (Can you even imagine the isolation of only having a home phone and internet? Why, anything could have happened!)

My shopping trip took no more than 15 minutes. And I thought I had handled all of this electronic decision making pretty well considering it usually takes me longer than that to pick out the right lip balm.  Normally when buying cell phones and such, I use my phone-a-friend option and call Jamey for some in-depth research and decision help. But I had this thing in the bag! I knew that my phone needs were completely basic and that I would not require any huge roll out key pads or touch screens.  I thought if this particular phone was Born to Shine then that sounded like a motto I could get behind as well!! 

And then she showed me how to put a picture of my "grandkids" on the main screen.  

Apparently some of us are born to shine and others of us merely shine with a light coating of age-defying facial creme.  I understand.  Do you suppose Jennifer Aniston gets this when she goes out shopping? Hmph.  I think I'm starting to feel like a two year old cell phone.

Shan to temporarily leave land

Hear ye!  Hear ye!  I am scheduled to be removed from my computer mid-Sunday and it is highly likely I may not return until the following Sunday!  I realize this is really only one week but for my own sake I am making it much much bigger and am pretending that I'm going off on a wild "unplugged" adventure into the GREAT WILDERNESS of no internet.  

What is this place of which you speak young(ish) blogger?  It is my homeland.  The place where I took my most tender first steps. Where I went from adorable big eyed baby to chunky frog faced version of Laura Ingals Wilder.  It's the world that shapeshifted me right into the promising semi-attractive at this point high school graduate who almost didn't want to leave her sweet  setup as a warranty (coffee) clerk at a lawnmower distributing warehouse to experience the next four ("Try six."  Someone dryly mocks.) years of college. 

Oh.  Why didn't you just say Oklahoma City?  Well because, dull warranty clerk who never even uses her OWN lawnmower, some of us have higher aspirations of communication than you and all the other voices trying to make their way into this entry.  SOME of us have a that little flare for drama and entertainment.  And even though that particular section of The Shan has been known to bust into an impromtu song and dance number, there are even subtler versions of this performer that prefer to turn simple statements into vast sinkholes of run-on sentences and wordy descriptives.

But now we've all forgotten the point of this post and we are all growing weary watching you fi-lap-ball-change your way down the page.  YOU CAN'T RUSH AN ARTIST!  Ok, did she just call herself an artist because now this is re-heely getting out of hand.  Maybe she meant to say Narcissist and her "artistry" got in the way.  Yes, I agree with you.  

OK HOW MANY OF US ARE IN HERE?!  Can I please continue? Yip.  Yes. Whatever.  Go on Diva.  THANK YOU.  Now, where was I....Oh yes, I must leave my post dear bloggers!  I er, uh, We shall use this time to carefully examine life outside the electronic world and boldly go where pages physically turn while the young offspring frolic around in the great outdoors and all of our meals are provided .. I'm sorry, I've got to cut in here.  WHAT IS IT? 

 Well, really it's all the waxing on about magical pages turning and food being delivered to you.  And,  really?  No electronics?  Last I checked Ginger and Gido had a huge cable box wired to all of the gigantic televisions in the house. AND yes, you will read but don't you already kind of do that now.  YEAH, and that part about the meals.

 I heard us tell Mom we would help with dinner and stuff so that's not really gonna fly with...ALRIGHT ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!  For such curt  and to the point stodgy voices, you guys are all writing yourselves all the way onto my short list of most agitating contributers to a blog post to date!  Then stop with all of the exaggerations.  That's right I mean we're going out of town.  The kids get to go to camp and we get to shop around and stuff.  Big whoop.  Yeah, big whoop.  

But it's so much greater than that in my head.  Well, not to all of us.  She is somewhat right.  It WILL be nice to get away and spend some quality time with the family.  Don't burst her bubble to much on that one.  Ok, true, but she is just so irritating and is always so capital letter loud.  I AM STILL HERE!! 

 Ok, just let me finish. The bottom line is guys  we're not "us" without the wordy noisy  one are we?  Nah. No. Guess not.  She's the punk to our sparkler of many colors.  True. 

 Ahhhh!  THANKS everyone!  You know that really means something to me.  Why just the other day I was twittering about in our..SOMEONE take her down!  Please just sign off already.  OH, ok.  BYE BLOGGING FRIENDS!!  I won't be reading!  Or commenting!  I'll see you guys when I [click-publishing post activated]

Get thee to a big cit-ee!

Man!  Oh man!  I have lost all hope in my small town's ability to keep me youthfully yet tastefully clad!  I went to most of the stores in Siloam yesterday hoping to find one (just one?) wicked cool but conservatively classic short sleeved shirt to wear tonight on my big date** with my betrothed.  I came home empty handed and despondent.

I decided early this year that I would make a conscious effort to dress my age and not commit all of the usual hot weather fashion felonies that temp my inner exhibitionist to get her skin on!!  I DO SO LOVE to hang my arms and legs out of their cloth containers the second the breeze turns to blaze!  It is only natural to me.  I love to bake in the sun and fine tune my freckles to the point that if you stare at me and let your eyes go jiggly out of focus, I look the same Coppertone shade as my hair.  

Having been born in Oklahoma but not knowing anyone from my previous bloodlines, I always like to think I have at least a little bit of Native American in my skin.  My Grandma being part Chickasaw, always assured me of this possibility-no doubt to keep our differences at bay and me feeling ever included in the family tree. 

 As I got older and was in charge of my own skin care, I cleverly discovered (many blisters and one skin cancer later) that fake Indian blood or not, I'd better get  myself a big bottle of sunscreen and consider sitting under an awning at the pool when possible.  A move incredibly played with only 6 or so years of college under my belt.

But it was only until recently that I have decided that this sun damaged and now aging skin of mine might need to be covered up a hair more to preserve its dignity by showing less of its polka-dottery.

Oh but I grieve the cuteness of maude fashions!  No more will I allow myself that too short of skirt or those daisy duke length summer pants.  I will NOT entertain a sassy strapless shirt alone.  No.  Not this summer.  I will soon be thirty-blipping-nine and it's time to lose the pigtails folks!  It just is.   

So, out I went to find sleeves and style together as a happily wedded match.  But they were clearly off honeymooning in a much larger city because this pair was nowhere to be seen.  I saw all kinds of teenie bopper trends in all kinds of teenie bopper tininess!  This will not do.  No, not for me. Oh, and BRIGHT colors.  Boy are they ever bringing out the fluorescence of my yesteryear (Ouch!  is that a migraine coming on?).  Bright! It's so Bright!   

I was glaringly forced over to the Misses (Matrons?) department where it seemed like loose and flowing was all the rage.  Hey!  I'm not pregnant!  And in fact I'm certain I won't become that way ever again so why is that....Oh, I get it.  You people seem to think I've given up on the figure watch and have settled into the old mid-life spread.  NO!  of course not!  I have in fact taken several vigorous walks recently that go right in the face of that old argument-so there!!! [Spudder, spudder, shaking finger at the air eyebrows raised]

And here I sit now in my indoors only short shorts.  I'm still hopeful that there are some clever looks awaiting my discovery just inside the city limits of Fayetteville or Rogers, but I'm prepared to go even further if I have to.  I'm not giving up on this vain but also considerate quest to dress myself.  We will all be better for it in the (fully covered) end.  

**More on this topic later.